Feeding the Goat

What the Hell did Willie Get Done?

2007-08-17T10:47:00.000-04:00

Willie Anderson hasn't practiced (from what I can tell) for the entirety of training camp. This was not alarming because he's a grizzled (grrr) veteran and a mountain of a man that doesn't need to put more beating on his body than necessary. However, recently Big Willie disappeared for a week and showed back up with a protective boot on his right leg. Not encouraging, but certainly no cause for alarm, that is, until he started talking about his "procedure":

Anderson said the procedure involved electro-shock treatment to damage the area around the injury. The hope, he said, is to stimulate healing in the injured area.

What? Electro-shock treatment. What the hell? Are we going to learn that he's been using leeches and taking a magical tonic he bought from a traveling salesman? Now, I'm concerned.

Of course, Marvin is doing his best Belichick impression. According to Mark Curnutte's blog: Coach Marvin Lewis said Anderson "was doing fine." Sure sounds like it.

Thank Allah For Football (The Bengals Will Not Go 16-0)...

2007-08-09T15:10:00.000-04:00

...Because without it, I don't know that I could handle the end of summertime. Not that you would ever imagine it would be cooling down anytime soon, considering the heat wave here in the Midwest. This is not good news for the Bengals, with training out in the heat every day, but I keep reading quotes from players saying how it's "not that bad." How that is possible, I have know idea. I have condensation dripping off my dude-parts after the 30 second walk to my car after work every day. Of course I'm not a finely tuned athlete (just close). The good news though, is that tonight's first pre-season game is taking place in the climate-controlled confines of Ford Field in Detroit.

Personally, I'm excited for the game tonight, just because it's football and at least these players I've never heard of will be wearing Bengals uniforms. Of course, it's hard not to be excited (or at least optimistic) with the journalism at this stage in the season. Every veteran had a renewed motivation. Every rookie is mature beyond his years. Every injury will be totally healed. These things all set my heart atwitter, but after I snapped out of my daydream, I got to thinking: what didn't go so well this off season? Surely there are some things to worry about. And, as a matter of fact I came up with a few.

The Perpetual Lack of Tight Ends. How can you have one position that is so woefully thin, and not address it, ever? Not that it's easy to find a serviceable TE, but one would think the management would at least go looking. I mean, doesn't a TE have to start the game and play at least three quarters of the offensive snaps? At this point I'm beginning to believe that the Marvin Lewis and Mike Brown are in denial that the position even exists. By the way, since you didn't ask, here's the last few tight ends drafted by the Bengals: Tony McGee (1993, Michigan. Always supposed to be a Tony Gonzalez type player, until everybody realized he was, well, not.), Marco Battaglia (1996, Rutgers. I can't believe they wasted a second round pick on this stiff. Mel Kipers' hair must have been incensed.), Sean Brewer (San Jose State, 2001. I can honestly say I have no recollection of this dude.), and Matt Schobel (TCU, 2002. A pretty good left tackle, for a tight end.)

The Depleted Offensive Line. At this point, I don't expect Willie Anderson to do much before week one, I really don't. But, he's getting old and has been hampered by injuries in the past. Plus, I have a sneaking suspicion this Levi Jones ankle injury is going to cause him to miss at least some time this season. Plus, with the exit of Eric Steinbach to Cleveland (I knew it was you, Fredo.) the O-Line seems tenuously balanced between "strength" and "abomination." I might just start crossing my fingers.

A Buttload of Linebacker Questions. I don't really know where I come down on the whole 'backer situation. Landon Johnson is a dependable veteran now and has snagged the WLB spot. He's not physically imposing, but he's smart (Purdue educated, obviously) and everybody seems to have confidence in his having a big season. The other recurring story is that of Ahmad Brooks who the Bengals nabbed in the supplemental draft last season. They're saying he's staked himself to the MLB position, which is great, but he has yet to prove his mettle or show any consistency during an actual NFL season. Then, there's the SLB position where it appears to be (CFL veteran) Rashad Jeanty's job to lose. Jeanty had a fine season last year, but something tells me I'd be much more confident if David Pollack (possible career ending neck injury) and Odell Thurman (severe case of being a fucking idiot) were in the lineup.

So, there's what I'm worried about. What did I leave out? Now, don't start railing on me for being a pessimist and all that, because I'm pumped, fucking pumped, to see the season get started. I'm just tired of happy fun rainbow journalism.

(By the way: Woohoo! Football is back!)

MLB Deadline: Anatomy of a Trade

2007-07-25T09:30:00.000-04:00

I've been laid up for a couple of days with Strep Throat (I thought I was dying with a 102 fever) which gave me some time to think. Sadly, I didn't come up with anything terribly profound, but rather devoted my life to FIFA 2007. I won the UEFA Cup with Rangers yesterday, so that's something.

Anyway, it took me until last night to think of something worth writing about and it's all thanks to that genius of the Fox Sports Ohio booth, Chris Welsch. He got to talking about the trade deadline and insisted that we would see some action out of Wayne Krivsky and the Reds. Well, that got me thinking okay, but who would they move? Which got me thinking okay, but what would actually be a good trade deadline move?

It seems to me that the the primary premise behind making a move at the deadline involves how teams value players. Basically, in the off-season a player has a certain value; but, as the deadline approaches that changes. Teams in contention suddenly overvalue players who can come in and strengthen a weakness right away. This gives a value advantage to the teams building for the future. So, he's what I see as defining a reasonable (note: I'm not even saying good) trade deadline move:

- Has to be a trade that at least one team would not have made before the season started. Otherwise, it should have already been done, right?

- One team has to fill an obvious void in their team.

- The other team has to get at least one young player with a whole bunch of upside.

- At least one team has to improve their future financial situation. A team who trades away their superstar with an expiring contract doesn't make their fans happy, but that's the way the league works. The truth though, is a "hired gun" can be a short term bulge in payroll, but at the end of the season leaves some financial room to play with, giving some flexibility to the buyer as well.

That said, looking back, "the trade" last year between the Reds and Nationals (Felipe Lopez and Austin Kearns for Royce Clayton, Bill Bray and Gary Majewski) didn't really make sense for the Nationals because Lopez and Kearns had pretty much reached their ceilings talent-wise. The Reds made their major mistake in what is pretty much the standard mistake every year; they far overvalued the players they were receiving. Good God did they overvalue Royce Clayton.

Now, I don't have the energy to figure out who's out there for the Reds to go get, but I think I could make a fairly comprehensive list of who might be desirable to contending teams. Here's my list: Griffey, Dunn, Hatteberg, Conine, Phillips, Harang, Arroyo, and Weathers. The last two might seem questionable given the poor year Bronson is having and the fact that Weathers is no spring chicken, but I've heard Arroyo's name thrown around and Weathers is actually having a decent season amidst the worst bullpen in the history of time.

Harang and Phillips aren't going anywhere. These guys are the face of the franchise going forward and you have to have some foundation to build on. I could see some Weathers/Hatteberg package for prospects. And, of course there's the Dunn options. I just hope the Reds take the time to make strategic trades and not hasty ones.

I guess my whole point here is that the problem with these trades is that there's no definitive, quantitative way to assess value (and how it changes). The only way to really feel good about a trade is if your team dumps a bunch of untenable payroll or completely bilks some desperate GM out of young talent. Either way, it's always entertaining.

Because I Am the Andrew Jackson of Sports Blogging,

2007-07-23T14:07:00.000-04:00

a man of the people, I decided, per Tittle500's request, to weigh in on the Tim Donaghy/NBA officiating train wreck, albeit in concise fashion. To wit:

1. The NBA has never really interested me since Jordan left. I'm one of those folks that finds college basketball infinitely more entertaining for a variety of reasons--defense, passing, a team game, and... officiating that doesn't reward superstars recklessly driving the lane (I agree, Tittle, Simmons' column was on point in pretty much everything he said--refreshing to read a column not laden with J-Bug and Vegas references, too). Hence, I'm neither too upset nor too surprised that this is going down.

2. That video on Deadspin and other sites of Game 3 of the Suns-Spurs series last year is pretty damning. But it makes me wonder if more refs than just Donaghy were involved. Why is no one raising this possibility? Sure, Donaghy made some questionable calls, but so did the other two guys in that game. Are you telling me that they just suck and not that Donaghy said to them, "Hey, call a few more fouls on the Suns and I'll give you a $5 grand cut of my payoff"? The latter possibility seems more than just a little likely to me.

3. The Crazy touched on this in a post a few days back, but which is a bigger black eye for the respective sports: the officiating scandal in basketball or the steroid scandal in baseball? For my money, the officiating scandal trumps even steroids in terms of severity. Why? Because officials in the NBA have the most power of any of the major sports (hockey is no longer 'major' in my mind--it forfeited its status when its playoffs went to Vs.).

NFL officials are, to an extent, held in check/bailed out by instant replay and MLB umps are relatively limited in the ways they can affect the outcomes of games (including, but not limited to, messing with the strike zone, botching check swing calls, and missing stolen base/play at the plate calls). Even then, players are much more substantially in control of outcomes in baseball (they can extend their strike zones, etc). NBA officials, on the other hand, can drastically impact the face of a game--to the point of removing players from the game through fouling out.

Steroids are their own mess, but at least it was the players on the field and not the supposed arbiters of the game that were cheating. Additionally, the connection between steroid use and the direct outcome of games is a little more dubious than point shaving. Bonds and McGwire and Sosa may have hit so many more homers than they would have otherwise, but remember how many of those Sosa homers came in late-inning, irrelevant, Cubs down 6 situation? That, and as any number of (misguided?) athletes will tell you, steroids might help you hit the ball further, but they won't help you hit it in the first place.

Instant Replay in Baseball

2007-07-20T22:08:00.000-04:00

Isn't it about freaking time they instituted this? I don't want any silly challenge rules like the NFL or anything like that. All I want is replay on big plays, more like the way the NCAA operates their replay system for basketball.

In the bottom of the first inning of the White Sox @ Red Sox game tonight, JD Drew hit what was clearly, upon replay, a 3-run homer to left. It bounced on top of the Monster, though, and came back into the field of play, allowing Rob Mackowiak to relay a throw home and nail Manny Ramirez at the plate for the third out. Manny wasn't even running hard because--I'm assuming--he thought it was a homer (I mean, he could've just been dogging it, but whatever). The point is that, after conferencing, the umps still got the call wrong and effectively shortchanged the Red Sox at least 2 runs. Sure, the Red Sox ended up pounding the White Sox anyway, but as we all know, the biggest free agent bust of the season (you know he's bad when he's essentially the statistical equivalent of Coco Crisp) needs all the help he can get.

I honestly can't think of any reason why, in a situation where umpires have to get together on a call because there's some question as to a call's accuracy, they can't get together around a TV monitor and make the call based on a replay. Granted, it's no guarantee that you'll get the call right based on a replay--the phantom dropped third strike on AJ Pierzynski against the Angels in the 2005 ALCS (I was there!) comes to mind. After watching it on replay several times, I still wasn't sure what actually happened there. But I'd be willing to bet you'd get the call right a hell of a lot more often than just relying on umps conferring. More importantly, there'd be a sense of legitimacy and fairness to the whole thing.

I don't want to hear any of this crap about not wanting to extend the length of games, either. Are you telling me Bud Selig is arguing with a straight face that he'd rather incorrectly alter the outcome of games--"human error" is part of the game, after all!--instead of taking five minutes to get a call right? That can't possibly be right! Oh wait, he is.

White Sox Play Spoilers at Fenway

2007-07-20T10:45:00.000-04:00

Well, last night was my second and probably last visit to Fenway this season (after a random free ticket to a Rangers-Sox game), and the best I can say for it is that it was a White Sox winner. Pretty satisfying to experience the life getting sucked out of a crowd so pumped up to see Daisuke Matsuzaka pitch and seeing him with absolutely no control in the 2 innings where it mattered. The White Sox scored 3 runs on 2 hits and, more importantly, 5 walks in those innings.

But before that happened, it rained. And Laura and I got this glazed-over look:

Luckily, a $5 bag of peanuts snapped us out of our reverie. But partially because so many of the peanuts sucked. All shriveled and old. Screw you, Fenway peanuts.

And then, before we knew it, they were gone. And we realized we didn't know just how good we had had it.

Both Laura and I were a bit thirsty after the peanuts, but we resisted the temptation to "Get Jesus." Instead, we got a bottle of Coke for $4. The Jesus was more expensive.

The Coke couldn't make up for hearing the opening riff to "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" approximately a dozen times in the space of an hour, though. It was part of an ingenious Red Sox documentary playing on the jumbotron that somehow linked the "magical" (get it, "Magical Mystery Tour"!?!?) 1967 season to the 2004 World Championship and set it all to the Beatles' Sgt. Pepper album. (released in 1967, get it?!?!?). It culminated with the 2004 Sox going down 3-0 to the Yankees coinciding with the long dystopian chord in "Day in the Life" and then ended with, naturally, the Sox winning the Series and Joe Buck's uninspired "World Champions" call to finish the song. Obviously, Red Sox fans are morons. Laura registered her disgust thusly:

.... and then... the tarp was off! Hooray! I was not the only idiot taking pictures of the tarp coming off. It rivaled Daisuke's every freaking move for sheer number of flashbulbs (which is exhibit B that Red Sox fans are morons).

Oh yeah, and then there was baseball. Big Papi did not please the crowd. In fact, he looked pretty lost at the plate, and hung his head dejectedly after making out after out. This was before he struck out one time:

Matsuzaka was unimpressive. I had predicted he'd strike out 11 (Laura went with 9 and got closer to Dice-K's 6, but still lost according to Price Is Right rules), but instead his most notable stat line was walking 6. He obviously didn't get the memo about throwing the ball in the zone and letting White Sox hitters make outs for you. The crowd thought he was getting squeezed by the umps, but, as we've already established, Red Sox fans are morons. I think he actually just had no control. This is Dice-K on his way to walking the bases loaded in the 6th (all with no out):

Francona knew he was in trouble, but let Matsuzaka hang himself anyway. This is Fenway being rather displeased at a called ball to AJ Pierzynski with the bases loaded. The next pitch put the White Sox up 3-2 on a little dribbler between 1st and 2nd:

After that, Fenway was deflated--partially by a long rain delay, but mostly by disappointment in Matsuzaka (who still, weirdly, got a standing O as he left the mound), and a sense of impending doom (the Yanks are only 7 back! Oh no!). Vazquez wasn't impressive, but he wasn't bad either, wiggling out of some jams (and really, if he had some better defense behind him, he probably wouldn't have even given up the 2 runs that he did, as the Sox failed to turn a double play twice and let a runner beat out a throw to first on another play--all in one inning). With all the folks clearing out, we decided to head for seats in the outfield for a different vantage point:

But midnight was quickly approaching and the stupid T shuts down at 12:30, so we left right before Konerko's solo shot onto the Monster in the 8th. Bah. But I did see it at the Cask n' Flagon as we walked by. By the time we made it back to Harvard Square, Bobby Jenks was actually not blowing a save. Pretty good night. Red Sox Nation, you've got every reason to be nervous. Your team looked flat. Absolutely flat.

Woohoo! Not The Worst Anymore!

2007-07-20T08:58:00.000-04:00

                W       L        PCT    GB      Streak  L10
Kansas City     41      53      .436    16.5    Won 2   5-5
Texas           41      54      .432    17      Lost 2  5-5
Cincinnati      41      55      .427    17.5    Won 4   7-3
Pittsburgh      40      54      .426    17.5    Lost 6  3-7
Washington      40      55      .421    18      Won 2   6-4
Houston         40      55      .421    18      Lost 1  3-7
San Francisco   39      54      .419    18      Lost 2  3-7
Tampa Bay       37      57      .394    20.5    Lost 1  4-6

There's your bottom eight of the current overall MLB standings this morning. Thanks to a wonderfully predictable 8th inning meltdown by Armando "Seriously, He's Still Pitching?" Benitez, the Reds were able to run their win streak to a modest four games. Finally, they are no longer the worst team in baseball, and are even third worst in their own division. Break out the ticker tape! Admittedly, they haven't exactly lived up to my lofty prediction but I'm not complaining. Who knows if it's all attributed to mah man P-Mack; or if the team was just due to pull their collective heads out of the sand and start playing some decent baseball. Oh, by the way, Benitez gave up the eventual winning runs on a home run to Ryan Freel of all people. If there ever was a sign that it's time to retire, that has to be it.

Elsewhere, I managed to catch the 30 seconds of Reds baseball per week that the bozos filling in for Mike & Mike (I swear those guys miss at least two days a week) were talking this morning while they had Peter Gammons on the show. Gammons seemed to believe that there was a very real possibility of both Tony La Russa and GM Walt Jocketty coming to Cincinnati next season. Surely this could never happen, right? Both a manager and a GM moving to a division rival? I don't even know how I would feel about having a drunk driving, vegetarian, puppy lover as a manager.

Just So You Know I'm Not Dead...

2007-07-18T17:47:00.000-04:00

... or that I'm still sort-of paying attention to sports, I thought I'd check in with a scatterbrained post. Let the fun begin.

1. BTC thinks the NFL should let Vick squirm, but if I was Vick, I'd either a) be a hell of a lot more worried about the feds than playing time this upcoming year, or b) too dumb, douche-baggy, or cocky to squirm all that much about Goodell's hammer about to drop. Given the Pacman Jones line, Goodell just needs to (and will soon, I imagine) suspend Vick indefinitely and get it over with. Michael Vick = the next Lawrence Phillips x 100. In other news, Kige is taking the Joe Morgan "I can't make a call on whether or not Joe Torre is a racist because I wasn't there" tack (go visit Fire Joe Morgan and you'll see that, really, this is Joe's stance on everything--he can't comment because he wasn't there--read:anywhere--personally) and is withholding judgment. Sage man.

1b. In the poor joke department, what do you think Vick's ratings will be in Madden '08? I gotta think his awareness and agility will suffer considering his inability to escape the feds. If his toughness isn't above 80, the Falcons should just soak him in water and electrocute him. Ba-dum ching. That was me crossing that ever-tricky "good taste" line. To make up for it, I'll say that Vick's treatment of dogs is (was?) despicable, disgusting, and pretty unimaginable. I'd encourage everyone to sign on to the Humane Society's condemnation of Vick.

2. The Cubs are the hottest team in baseball. I agree with this. And so does Kige. What's a Cubs-hating blog to do? Lose interest, I guess. On the plus side, as Carlos Zambrano goes, so does my fantasy team. And he has been dominating lately.

3. Ichiro's new deal pays him at least through 2032. Quick math tells me that's 25 years from now. If Ichiro won the lottery, I guess he probably wouldn't take the lump sum payment. Kige agrees that Ichiru Sazaki signed with the Mariners as well. Big week for the M's.

4. Jermaine Dye is on fire. Who wants him? Surely someone. Work your magic, Kenny. Contreras, pull your head out of your ass so that someone wants you. I'm ready for 2008.

5. It's comical that the Sox are still talking like they have a chance. Absolutely comical. This is not a team built to win. That, and they've got six teams to jump for the wildcard. Six. And they have the same record as Baltimore. Baltimore.

6. Tomorrow is my first chance to see the Sox in person all year. At Fenway, the game features Dice-K (Dice-K!) vs. Vazquez. Here's hoping the Japanese wonder gets battered by Thome, Konerko, and Dye, proving my skepticism about his performance this year correct. More likely, though, he'll strike out 11 on his way to a shutout. We shall see. And you really will, too, because I think I'll take my camera.

Surprise! I Have a Gripe With ESPN

2007-07-11T11:06:00.000-04:00

Now, we all know the day after the MLB All-Star game is the slowest sports day of the entire year. It's always on a Wednesday, there's no games until Thursday and no other major sporting events are ever taking place. Except this year. The Under 20 World Cup is taking place in Canada right now and the USA team has played two consecutive Tony the Tiger Grrrreat games, the second being a huge upset over tournament favorites Brazil. It's really been fun to watch.

So, how does the WWL factor into the whole deal? Well, they have the rights to the whole tournament and have been showing it on ESPNU, a channel I just recently discovered is included in my over-extended cable package. But, on Friday, the overlords decided to bump the Brazil game to the flagship station. Apparently, Brazil is a big name they can put on the marquee. Nice move. Now, the USA is in the knockout (single elimination) stages of the tournament and plays Uruguay (7:30 pm, ESPNU) on the leanest sports night of the year. And what is ESPN showing? A replay of the Home Run Derby and the AAA All-Star game. Come on fellas, at least let people without 800 channels watch some live sports on a Wednesday night. And maybe get a little publicity for some US soccer (and your MLS Thursday night games). Gah.

You May Be Strong, But You're No Ted Kluszewski

2007-07-09T16:25:00.000-04:00

It's one of those days that you really don't know if you dread or look forward to as a baseball fan. The Home Run Derby? It's fun, I guess; but I really think it peaked (for me, at least) the year the game was in Boston and Big Mac was dropping bombs out onto the street all night. Tonight, they just barely filled out the 8-man field and with a player who might, possibly, maybe hit 30 homers this year. If only we could have talked Griffey into giving us a throwback hat backwards performance and drop a few into the cove, the whole thing could have been worth it. Alas, the whole thing led to this conversation last night:

trout: Who's your pick for the HR Derby?
me: Ummm... I don't know. Who's in it?
trout: I don't know.
me: Well that makes things difficult.
trout: I'm going to go with Ryan Howard.
me: Yeah, me too.

Hold onto your seats.

Elsewhere, it's time to pick the first half MVPs. This is because people have shit else to talk about. Anyway, Jason Stark picked Magglio and Holliday. He always has to be difficult, doesn't he? I get that the Tigers are in first and Maggs is hitting 50 points better than A-Rod and all that, but come on. Rodriguez is 60 points higher in slugging and is on pace for a potential 60 homer season. As for Holliday, if you want the emotional and statistical leader of a winning team, how do you not go with Prince Fielder? Also, if you're not paying attention (which I haven't been) Chipper Jones has an OPS over 1.000, and happens to be the only player in the NL with less than 90 BBs who can claim that. So there's my mini-rant.

Anyway, I'll leave you with this fun drinking game I came up with for watching the Home Run Derby. It goes like this: take a drink any time you say to yourself "holy shit another fucking commercial break!?" or "holy shit how many fucking times do I have to see this same commercial?!" Just don't complain to me about your hangover tomorrow.

Hooray! Buehrle's a White Sock for Another Four Years

2007-07-08T17:23:00.000-04:00

Obviously, all it took was an incredulous post featuring an elementary equation at FTG for Kenny Williams to pull his head out of his ass. The Sox got themselves one sweet-ass deal, speaking in terms of the pitching market. Whether Buehrle proves to actually be worth it for the length of the contract is another matter entirely, but hey, it's no Barry Zito albatross. Whatever happens, it's good business in terms of the fans. Buehrle and Konerko will be--and should be--the face of the franchise going forward.

Now Kenny should get busy and deal Contreras to the Mets, who are apparently still interested in the ancient wonder. Depending on the return, I'd consider trading either Vazquez (he's old and inconsistent--and yet pitching very well lately, increasing the probable return) or Garland (younger, but susceptible to getting absolutely shelled) too. It'd be nice if Dye had a good couple weeks coming out of the All-Star break to inflate his value a little, too. It's still a lost season, but with Buehrle on board for the future, I feel a lot better about looking to next year and beyond.

Are You Freaking Kidding Me?

2007-07-08T09:44:00.000-04:00

So I haven't been blogging lately because I've been enjoying the summer outside, but I felt compelled to check in just to say that this whole Mark Buehrle contract mess is, as South Side Sox says, freaking unbelievable. As if a completely botched season wasn't enough to sour me on the White Sox, Kenny Williams (and Jerry Reinsdorf, I'm assuming) feel compelled to drive Mark Buehrle away over a measly year and a half of no trade clause or a fifth year at $17 million. Here's a simple inequality equation for you, Kenny, since you seem to be especially thick skulled right now. What's being measured is some abstract form of "goodness" or "value":

Mark Buehrle, fan favorite, for the next 4 years at well below market value (a deal any team would be lucky to get from its star player), irregardless of no-trade clauses >> middling prospects in return for half a year of Buehrle.

Dumbass. Kiss your World Series-bumped attendance numbers goodbye. What a shitty organization. I'd rather be a Reds fan right now.

Pete Mackanin Will Now Fix The Reds

2007-07-05T08:15:00.000-04:00

As everyone already knows, the axe finally fell on Jerry Narron this week and he was replaced with the team's advance scout (the obvious next man in the line of succession) Pete Mackanin. And let me be one of the minions saying THANK GOD for this move. Any serious Reds fan can tell you that Jerry Narron was personally responsible for every single loss this season. It's his fault there's not a single reliever who can pitch the eighth inning. It's his fault Bronson Arroyo has apparently signed his contract extension and stopped trying. And it's most definitely his fault that there haven't been enough morale-boosting dugout brawls.

Of course, Mackanin (henceforth known as P-Mack) came in and won his first game Tuesday night. Obviously this job is just that easy. Yes, there was a slight hiccup on Wednesday but I'll just chalk that up to Independence Day jitters. So, what I'm saying here is that it's going to be a great second half now that the Reds have officially fixed all their problems. Current record: 32-52. Final record: 110-52. Here's a little taste of how July will go down:

July
Arizona - Talk about easy. P-Mack will be described as "using Randy Johnson's height against him." It will revolutionize the entire sport.

NY Mets - The city that never sleeps? How about the manager that never sleeps? Our new manager doesn't sleep, but he does spend three hours a night hanging upside down by his ankles in a hypnotic trance. He emerges every morning with strategies and helpful hints for the players such as "Stop throwing 78 mph fastballs, pussy."

Atlanta - P-Mack will calmly explain to Chipper Jones that a grown man going by a nickname too effeminate for even a stripper is nothing to be proud of. This conversation will be followed by a press release declaring the third baseman be referred to as "Larry" from now on. Apparently Larry is not as good as Chipper and goes 0/15 in the series.

Florida - They'll be riding the D-Train all the way to the broom store to celebrate yet another Reds' sweep. Booyah.

Milwaukee - The surprise team of the first half will be surprised to learn that they're really not as good as they think. P-Mack will calmly point this out over a platter of various wieners that will not be racing. Prince Fielder will immediately devour the entire platter. Because he's chubby.

Chicago - P-Mack will grab a saddle, mount Carlos Zambrano and tame him like a wild stallion. Zambrano will take P-Mack's advice and pursue a new career as entertainment at young girls' birthday parties.

Washington - The manager will invite Ken Griffey Jr. into his office to "discuss the mysteries of the universe." Griffey will emerge at peace and proceed to hit 12 home runs in this series. That will be a record.

Enjoy the games folks. And just wait until August when P-Mack really gets settled in.

The Next Generation in Grinder Lore

2007-07-01T09:36:00.000-04:00

Yes, David Eckstein is short. Short = grindy. Yes, Darin Erstad was a punter at Nebraska. Punter = grindy. But short and punter doesn't cut it anymore. You know what cuts it? LIVING in a freaking batting cage. Your move, Eckstein. You're living in a fantasy world if you think short, white, and grindy is enough to get a World Series MVP anymore.

Just When I Thought It Was Safe...

2007-06-29T09:16:00.000-04:00

I hadn't been hating Chicago as much lately. Really. But, I guess that could only mean it was time for something new to come along and piss me off. Mission accomplished. Welcome to Douchebagville, population 2,833,321. You officially suck again.

That's SO Random! With Gage

2007-06-27T12:21:00.000-04:00

I need a good title for random thoughts posts. "That's SO Random!" made me laugh to myself today, so that's what you get. Any suggestions? Anyway...

- I have virtually nothing to write about with the Reds anymore. It becomes a little redundant talking about the team with the worst record in baseball sucking. I feel sorry for the beat writers. The whole Griffey returns to Seattle angle must have felt like Christmas. Hell, I'll probably be writing a "Can the Reds Finish Out of Last Place" post in August. Well, at least they don't have the fourth highest payroll in all of baseball and still suck.

- At the risk of making every post this summer about soccer, I've really become obsessed with the game. One of my very favorite daily bookmarks is the BBC's daily Gossip & Transfers column. Basically they've managed to take the rumor page of your favorite American paper and turn it into a Soccer version of Us Weekly. This what happens when you stop having to verify sources.

- Elsewhere in soccer, USA starts play in Copa America tomorrow vs. Argentina who should absolutely destroy us if all goes according to plan. I don't get the channel broadcasting the game, so I will be watching the Spanish language version at a friend's house with his Honduran fiance's non-English-speaking family. I can't wait.

- Very little Bengals news lately. Is that odd for June? I can never remember. I guess, at this point, no news is good news with this team. I sense an interesting dynamic though among fans. Nobody wants to get overly optimistic going into this season (at least not yet). After an 11-5 record in 2005-06 everybody had their blinders on, looking to the postseason. And, frankly 8-8 was a huge letdown. I guess nobody is holding their breath this year. At least until the first "Caleb Miller is Absolutely Crushing People" report comes out of training camp.

- One final note: Griffey to the Cubs, never going to happen. However, it did stir up some interesting reactions out of me. For all the struggles he's had in Cincy he's still the face of the franchise and the biggest fan favorite. I'd hate to see him go, but I have to admit my immediate second reaction was "wow, I wonder what they could get for him?" And, to close with your terrible joke of the day: maybe they could get Carlos Zambrano and a temper tantrum to be named later.

Where's my rim shot?

U-S-A! U-S-A!

2007-06-25T08:01:00.001-04:00

Wow, that game was awesome. Down 1-0 to the Mexicans at half time, I talked to my friend Dan (who happened to be at the game) and made the statement that despite the score, this was a really good game. And, lo and behold the second half kicked it up to a whole new level with the Red, White and Blue scoring two dramatic goals and holding off their biggest rivals in a game both desperately wanted to win. This was one of the highest caliber games I've ever watched the MNT play. It was a joy to watch. I want a copy of it on DVD so that I can use it as an example for all those Americans who refuse to embrace the game.

The best moment of the day was of course Benny Feilhaber's volley goal from just outside the box. I doubt he could make more than two or three out of ten attempts at the same shot in practice, but regardless it was a world class strike. My other favorite moments included the almost flawless refereeing (a decided change from every other Gold Cup match) and GoochOnyewu tearing off his jersey and receiving his championship medal while wearing an American flag as a cape (see picture). The only low moments for me were the vicious head-to-head collision between Spector and Guardado from the Mexican side which left them both rattled and took Spector out of the game. I haven't seen yet, but hopefully neither player sustained any serious injuries. Oh yeah, and I have no idea why Frankie Hejduyk was bare-chested, he sat out the whole game after two yellows.

All-in-all, a great day for US soccer of the present and the future. Now bring on Copa America!

A Look Back and a Look Forward: on Blowing up the 2007 White Sox

2007-06-24T18:32:00.000-04:00

Rumor on the street is that Mark Buehrle may be headed to Boston soon. If he's got to be traded, he might as well be traded to a team I get to watch all the time, right? I'd be excited to see him pitch in Fenway, and I'd be excited for my White Sox to get some top talent in return (or what I guess is top talent--I am completely ignorant about prospects). Whether or not this is a bright idea for the Red Sox, I have no idea. I'll leave that to Mark over at the Crazy.

In any case, it appears as though Kenny is looking at blowing up the 2007 White Sox sooner rather than later. In a way, I think it's better this way. I'd rather them completely tank and restructure than have to suffer through a mediocre season, miss the playoffs, and quietly lose Buehrle and Dye and others to free agency. So it goes.

On a slightly different note, since I pretty much watch any baseball game that's on TV, I've become a hell of a lot more familiar with the Red Sox and, to a lesser extent, the Braves this year. And you know what I noticed? Willie Harris is having himself a hell of a May and June since getting called up by the Braves. Playing mostly left field, he's hitting .379 with a .438 OBP and 10 steals in 44 games.

I was always sort of a Willie Harris fan when he was with the White Sox, so it was kinda sad to see him ushered out the door following the World Series run in 2005. He had a rough go with the Red Sox last year, playing mostly in the minors and playing pretty poorly with the big club in sporadic action. Now that he's seeing regular playing time with his home-state team (he was born in Cairo, Georgia), he's playing better than either Juan Uribe or Tadahito Iguchi (Willie mostly played middle infield rather than outfield for the White Sox) and making me wish the ChiSox had held onto him.

Willie's resurgence--career year, really (or one-third of a year)--got me to thinking about more exciting days in White Sox history than the present day. Looking back to 2002, Willie's first year with the Sox, I was struck by the amount--and quality--of major league talent on that roster that's still around today. Hell, with some finessing, you'd be fielding a better, albeit much older, starting 9 (you wouldn't have a pitching staff, but whatever) than the crap Ozzie and Kenny are putting out there today.

So with the 2007 team on the brink of being blown up into unrecognizability (it's a word because I say it's a word), let's take a look at what the lineup would look like populated with 2002 cast-offs, with some key 2007 stats that put the White Sox's current offense to shame.

1. CF-Kenny Lofton (Rangers--.289 BA, 16 SBs)
2. SS-Willie Harris (Braves--aforementioned greatness)
3. RF-Magglio Ordonez (Tigers--MVP numbers: .381 BA, 1.110 OPS, 13 HR, 68 RBI)
4. LF-Carlos Lee (Astros--12 HR, 59 RBI)
5. 1B-Frank Thomas (Blue Jays--12 HR, 34 RBI)
6. DH-Aaron Rowand (Phillies--.395 OBP, 10 HR, 39 RBI)
7. 3B-Jose Valentin (Mets...ummm, injury shortened. And I hate him)
8. 2B-Ray Durham (Giants... well, Ray's not having a good year. But then again, that's status quo for the Giants)
9. C-Miguel Olivo (Marlins--also not impressive, but hey, he's starting for the Marlins)

Coming off the bench would be Joe Borchard, Tony Graffanino, and Royce Clayton with Jon Rauch and Bob Howry in the pen.

So, maybe not as impressive as I first thought it was, but whatever. How many teams could populate a viable lineup of guys with the team 5 years ago, since traded or let go... and actually be pretty faithful to their actual positions? Just for comparison's sake, doing the same thing for the Reds turns up guys like Jose Guillen, Wily Mo Pena, Austin Kearns, Juan Encarnacion, Brady Clark, Sean Casey, and Aaron Boone. Maybe the White Sox situation is not so unique... but I think it's safe to say they'd kick the reconstituted 2002 Reds cast-off team at least.

A couple more weeks and guys like Buehrle and maybe even Garland--two of only four players still remaining from the 2002 team (Konerko and Crede are the others)--may find themselves in different uniforms, making the White Sox cast-off team all the more better than the real thing.

Congratulations, Nate Schierholtz

2007-06-24T14:21:00.000-04:00

You just accomplished something perhaps more noteworthy than getting hit by a Daisuke Matsuzaka pitch. I'll have to check with Kenny Albert, though. Hit by pitch may still outrank walk-off game winning hit on the "remember to tell the grandkids 40 years from now" scale.

What's the Story on the Rockies?

2007-06-22T11:50:00.000-04:00

A sidebar post over at the Crazy rightly notes that ESPN and everyone else should wake up from their East Coast-induced haze of Yankee/Red Sox/Mets/(even Braves) adoration and realize that the Rockies are making something of themselves out in the NL West. Interleague has given them the opportunity to beat the BoSox 2 of 3 and sweep the again-struggling Yanks, keeping Roger Clemens from getting his 350th win (gasp!). Although they're still 4th in the division, they're only 3.5 back, 4 games over .500, and more telling, in my mind, they've won (or split--for that one stupid 4 game series they played) every series for the past month. That's what winning teams do.

So who the hell are the Rockies and why are they doing so well? The guys over at Fire Joe Morgan would point out that Joe Morgan would have no freaking idea who any Rockies are, save maybe Todd Helton. Those among us that are more knowledgeable could probably name Matt Holliday, Brad Hawpe, Brian Fuentes, and maybe somebody would remember that they traded for Willy Taveras from Houston. Bonus points for knowing that Met castoff Kaz Matsui is their starting second baseman.

But none of those guys are starting pitchers. None. In fact, there's really no "name" on the pitching staff outside of Fuentes. Even that's debatable considering most of us would have no idea who the hell he was if we didn't play fantasy baseball and follow the saves category as if it actually meant something in real life.

Don't you have to have an "ace" to succeed in baseball? A guy who can stop losing streaks? A guy you can rely on for 7 innings when your bullpen is shot from picking up the slack from your AAAA 5th starter? Isn't pitching kind of important, especially in Colorado, where it takes some talent to keep the ball in the ballpark? Isn't that supposedly why Colorado has failed to have any success since the Dante Bichette and Vinny Castilla years? Isn't that why they (stupidly) signed Mike Hampton to an outrageous contract? At least one Colorado writer thinks the Rockies need to acquire a starting pitching "name"--Mark Buehrle--to put their team over the top.

I've been kind of fascinated with conventional wisdom in baseball after reading Moneyball (so, you know, all of 5 days now), and I'm beginning wonder if the Rockies' performance thus far this year is working to disprove the kind of wisdom about starting pitching we all take for granted. Perhaps it's just a freak exception to the rule. Or perhaps it's just an illusory success and the Rockies will come crashing back down to Earth in the second half. But I think it's worth taking a look at and pondering. So without further ado, here is the Rockies starting rotation:

Jeff Francis-7-5, 3.44 ERA, 1.29 WHIP, 6.16 Ks/9
Aaron Cook-4-4, 4.65 ERA, 1.37 WHIP, 3.01 Ks/9
Jason Hirsh-3-6, 4.78 ERA, 1.36 WHIP, 6.17 Ks/9
Josh Fogg-3-5, 4.58 ERA, 1.53 WHIP, 5.60 Ks/9
Rodrigo Lopez (only 8 starts)-4-0, 2.93 ERA, 1.26 WHIP, 4.89 Ks/9

Certainly nobody dominating, unless you count Lopez. And while he may indeed be resurrecting a once fairly promising career (2002 and 2004), the sample size is exceedingly small and his ERA figures to regress more closely to his career 4.74 mark. Francis is the team "ace" if you have to pick one, but his numbers aren't overly inspiring and his face makes him more like 17 than the 26 he supposedly is (truly a drawback when you consider "ace" material, no?). Hirsh is having a fairly impressive rookie campaign (he also came over from the Astros in the Taveras trade), but judging by his numbers, Fogg is lucky to have an ERA of only 4.58. So what gives?

The bullpen, apparently. Or, rather, the bullpen doesn't give. Simply put, they don't give up leads once they have them. Even though some guy named Rob Veno seems to think little of the Rockies bullpen, I don't see how you can argue with results. Sight unseen, it seems the Rockies have been riding the same three guys all season, and all of them have ERAs under 3: Jeremy Affeldt, Manny Corpas, and the aforementioned Fuentes. Since coming over in mid-May, Jorge Julio has posted a sub-2.00 ERA.

Looking at the White Sox and Reds this year, it's painfully apparent how integral a bullpen can be to a team's success. Neither of those teams can hold a lead to save their lives. The Sox were offensively challenged to the extreme in 2005, but were able to win close games because Politte, Cotts, and Jenks shut teams down in late innings. Apparently, the Rockies have the same kind of thing going for them this year. Enough offense to make up for somewhat mediocre starting pitching, but a lights out bullpen to hold leads once you get them. But bullpens are fickle, cruel mistresses, Colorado. Will Affeldt, Corpas, Julio, and Fuentes have the magic touch the rest of the way?

Who the hell knows. The more I think about baseball, the more I'm convinced that half of the game is 90 percent luck (not mental, sorry, Yogi).

Quick Hits On The Gold Cup (Because you know you want it.)

2007-06-22T08:41:00.001-04:00

USA 2-1 Canada, that's what really matters.
On the other hand, Canada deserved that second goal in second half stoppage time
On the other, other hand, USA had plenty of other chances to score that they just biffed on
DeRosario and DeGuzman were held in check for most of the game, particularly DeGuzman. That was nice work by the defense.
Landon Donovan gets a yellow card for diving? What the fuck? Christiano Ronaldo goes the whole World Cup without a card and now they're giving one to Donovan? Right. Further proof that the entire Latin American world of soccer hates him.
Keller got kind of beat up, but I wasn't really excited to see him cry about it. (Speaking of Keller, he looks really old whenever I see him wearing his glasses)
That tackle by Michael Bradley that got him the straight red card was vicious, and not in the good way. More like in the "you're going to injure somebody and hurt the team at the same time, fucktard" sort of way. What a stupid play. Now he has to miss the final after what was really an excellent tournament for the 19 year old.
On a similar note, Bocanegra probably could have gotten a straight red for his second half tackle that sent (if memory serves) DeGuzman doing a full flip through the air. There was no ball on that one either.
Kind of like Cardillo over at That's On Point, I was decidedly pessimistic about this game before it started, albeit for different reasons. I just don't feel like the US team is peaking at the right time. I felt better after they came out and got some early chances, but wouldn't it be nice, just once, if they converted?
This was the same script as the Panama game: generate lots of chances early in the game with no goals to show for it, score a couple in the late first/early second half, get lazy and surrender a late goal and pray to god that you don't give up another.
Hey Clint, we get it. You're a big shot, you have good footwork and ball control, you play in the Premiership. Now just put the fucking ball in the back of the fucking net, goddamnit, and quit dancing around trying to be Ronaldinhio.
I feel sorry for Eddie Johnson. I don't know what it is but he can't seem to get the job done on the international level. No way does he start in the final.
Frankie Hejduk converted me. I kept wishing they would start Spector or Simek all tournament, but Frankie was everywhere in every game he started and even scored the opening goal last night. Consider me impressed, old man.
Now, it's too bad that Hejduk has to sit out of the final after his second yellow of the tournament. I'm giving the nod to Spector but definitely pulling him after no more than 75 minutes for Simek, if I'm the coach (fyi, I'm not). Spector looked exhausted at the end of the last game he started.
Speaking of tired players, why didn't Bob Bradley take out his son sooner when he had been running the entire game and was obviously pooped? Regrettable.
If you're keeping track, Sunday's final should be really fucking fun. The Mexican fans at Soldier Field are going to be out of their minds. Let's just hope a few Americans show up.
And finally, keep your eyes on the center backs for the USA. I'm about 75% sure that we're going to see some head to head collission involving Gooch Onyewu and one of his own players a la the Three Stooges due to his always being out of position. Remember I called it first.

NBA Thugs and Baseball Gentlemen

2007-06-19T23:28:00.000-04:00

The Big Lead posted a thought-provoking piece today about the way fighting in the NBA is perceived versus the way fighting in Major League Baseball is perceived. I think to have a legitimate discussion about this, you have to throw in the other major sports, too: the NFL, where I can't remember any real fight on the field ever occurring (I'm sure I'm just overlooking them, but whatever); and the NHL (and hockey in general), a sport (not necessarily a league) that connotes fighting more than sporting to a lot of people (see the tired "I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out" joke, for instance).

A lot of the commenters on The Big Lead already addressed a lot of very good possible reasons why fighting is spun differently in the NBA and in baseball: race, the proximity of fans to the playing field, the relative strength of commissioners and player unions, "tradition," etcetera, etcetera. Whatever. I got tired of reading after about 5 comments (as an aside--who are these people that have the time and/or desire to read upwards of 100 comments on a blog post? Who gives a shit what some random asshole thinks about a random sports topic? I say all this completely aware of the irony in a blogger with commenters wondering these things. But still...) OK, back to the fisticuffs.

While I think race (baseball=white, basketball=black), fan proximity to the playing/fighting field (baseball=far, basketball=close), and commissioners and player unions (Selig=gutless moronic wussy, Stern=iron-fisted dictator) all play into the way fighting is spun in the different sports, I'm inclined to think tradition--whatever the hell that means--is perhaps the biggest factor in the way these things are handled.

Especially after reading Moneyball, where it becomes clear that damn near everything in baseball is done a certain way because that's the way it was always done, it seems to me that maybe the rich historic tradition of the whole "code of honor" bullshit/beanball wars in baseball contributes to a tendency to write off such bench-clearing brawls as simply a part of the game. I'm next to completely ignorant about hockey, but it seems like the same could be the case over there. Guys beat the shit out of each other on the ice because that's just an accepted part of the game. In basketball and football, however, melees have never really been a part of things for whatever reason. Double standard, to be sure.

But the double standard that applies within baseball, between pitchers and position players, is something that I still can't wrap my head around. In the latest round of fisticuffs, this time between San Diego pitcher Chris Young and Cubbies first baseman Derrek Lee, both pitcher and position player were suspended 5 games (and are appealing those suspensions) for taking swings at each other. They each had a roughly equal role in the fighting (Young threw the beanball, Lee took the first swing) so supposedly "equal" suspensions of 5 games were dealt out. That means, of course, that Chris Young misses one start and Derrek Lee misses five starts, which doesn't seem equal at all.

I'm not proposing Young be suspended for 25 games here, but I also don't believe the suspensions in this case are equal in severity. How do you deal with pitchers versus position players in a situation like this? I don't have any satisfying answers, but it's pretty clear that Bud Selig will never, ever, ever, ever have an even mildly satisfying solution either.

Moneyball: an astonishing read

2007-06-18T22:29:00.000-04:00

Well, "astonishing" isn't how I'd describe Moneyball, but if Michael Lewis was describing my reaction to the book, he might use "astonishing" because damn near everything is worthy of being deemed "astonishing." The low cost of on-base percentage? Astonishing. Billy Beane admitting a mid-season shake-up was unnecessary? Astonishing. Bill James' Baseball Abstract? Astonishing. Greg Maddux's reaction to giving up cheap hits? Astonishment. Chad Bradford's AAA stats? Astonishing. And on. And on. And on.

OK, so railing on the author's penchant for astonishment is pretty nitpicky. But it did seem strangely out of step with a narrative that's all about removing a certain level of astonishment, mysticism, and stupidity from the game and replacing it with rationality, logic, and "science"--however loosely that last term may be employed. And it was freaking annoying.

Anyway, I realize I'm years behind the curve here, but I'm gonna jot down a few thoughts about the book anyway. New to me, new to FTG. So it goes.

Overall, I did find Moneyball a really enjoyable, light read... and fairly well-written, as sports writing goes (my field of judgment as far as books is about as limited as it gets here--I remember reading Andre Dawson's (auto)biography... along with the Dan Patrick and Keith Olbermann SportsCenter book way back in the day). In any case, it was a nice read after being liberated from the shackles of 19th century literature.

It illustrated exceedingly well the institutional and individual inertia built around received knowledge, evident in so many walks of life, can be completely and utterly illogical and destructive. And it showed how difficult rationality and logic is to adhere to sometimes, no matter how much you're committed to your system (there are many exceptions to the rules Billy Beane sets up for himself).

As much as I've come to trust Kenny Williams (despite his adherence to "small ball" and his strange affinity for guys like Darin Erstad and Scott Podsednik), do I wish Billy Beane was the White Sox's GM? Undoubtedly yes. But those things aside, I think reading Moneyball was one of those cases of having a book built up so much--by friends, media, whomever--that I couldn't help but be disappointed.

For me, the most disappointing aspect of the book was its intention to disprove the idea that economic disparity in baseball is a serious problem. I don't care that however many different teams have won the World Series in however many years, creating more winning diversity than other professional sports leagues--as Billy Beane says, winning in the playoffs is something of a crapshoot. Just look at the Cardinals last year.

It can be incredibly demoralizing to a fan base to continually lose superstars, developed in the farm system, to free agency because your team can't afford to pay them. It's even more demoralizing to fail to be competitive year after year after year. Yes, Billy Beane has been able to make the Oakland A's successful despite a low payroll. Yes, he has done it by being smarter than a bunch of dumb GMs. But that does not logically mean that baseball doesn't have a huge problem in payroll disparity.

Here's why: if Billy Beane had the money that Brian Cashman had, he'd mop the floor with the league, year after year, instead of having to scrap and claw his way to the top. In other words, money doesn't automatically make winners, but it makes winning a hell of a lot easier. To argue that because the Oakland A's of the world exist we don't need some sort of salary cap or more drastic revenue sharing is akin to arguing that, because some families are capable of living a happy life below the poverty line we don't need to address the growing disparity of wealth in this country. It's absurd.

For all the awareness of problems surrounding small sample sizes Michael Lewis seems to show throughout the book, he ignores the fact that the time encompassed in Moneyball is an exceedingly small sample size--a sample that worked particularly well to illustrate the supposed "genius" of the way Billy Beane and JP Ricciardi ran the A's. From 2000-2003, the A's made the playoffs every single year. The next 2 years, while they were certainly competitive, they missed the playoffs. Does that mean Billy Beane was any less genius those years? No, I don't think so. But what happens when the richer teams get smarter?

Theo Epstein, who makes a cameo appearance at the end of Moneyball, is held up as an example of the type of GM that employs the same strategies as Billy Beane. The thing is, Theo has roughly two to three times as much money to play with as Billy--which means he can hang onto and buy guys like Manny, Big Papi, Schilling, Beckett, Matsuzaka, etc., etc. These are the kind of guys--guys like Tejada, Giambi, and others--that Beane has continually been forced to let go. The Red Sox won the championship in 2004 and, despite suffering a third place finish due to a rash of injuries last year, have set themselves up to succeed far into the future. It's something that's a lot easier to do when you've got that much money to play with.

And don't think the Yankees aren't taking notice--Brian Cashman is running his team with more and more sense, which is kinda scary. Of course, money combined with supposedly Moneyball-type roots won't guarantee that you're competitive. The Blue Jays and JP Ricciardi have made and been burned by some questionable investments the past couple years--AJ Burnett, BJ Ryan, Frank Thomas, to name the most prominent. So there are no guarantees no matter how you run your team.

But still (and I realize I've got no hard evidence to back this up), I don't see how you can debate my core point: money makes it easier to win. Who do I blame for this? Bud Selig, naturally. I hate you Bud.

OK. Realistically, the White Sox are Already Done for This Year.

2007-06-15T08:36:00.001-04:00

But if they don't win the series this weekend at Pittsburgh--a team that actually has a lower winning percentage than the Sox in a division much crappier than the AL Central--(hell, if they don't sweep it) you can really write the rest of this year off. Sell off Dye, sell of Buehrle (because you won't pay him the Zito-esque cash he has coming in the off-season), sell off Contreras (somebody would take a chance on him, right?), sell off anything else of value, and call up what few prospects you have and see what they can do. This team needs to get younger and more well-rounded. And fast.

I know no one else is talking about this, but would the Sox consider trading Jim Thome? Yes, losing both him and Dye would create a huge hole in the middle of the lineup, and yes Jim is a nice guy-defusing restaurant confrontations, and yes the Phillies are picking up a large portion of his salary. But his power, his contract status (option for 2009), and his clubhouse presence would bring a lot more in return than rent-a-Dye or rent-a-Buehrle. Besides, I don't think the hole in the middle of the lineup could get much more gaping than it already is. Just something that occurred to me all of the sudden. Could be completely stupid. Feel free to tell me if it is.

In other (more local) news (for me), the Yanks have made up 3 games on the Red Sox in a hurry. The Carmines' lead is now 7.5 as the Bronx Bombers (aren't those nicknames so cute?) have won their past 9. Granted, this is due in large part to playing the shitty White Sox, the shitty Pirates, and the actually fairly decent D-Backs in consecutive series, but Abreu, Cano, and the rest of those jokers are heating up. How long till the Boston media starts freaking out about this? How long till the Red Sox start freaking out about this? If the Yanks are only 4 or 5 out by the All-Star break, look out. To be as ridiculously awful as they were for the first 2 months of the season and only be that far out at the half? Wow. Imagine if they had a healthy rotation and a lineup progressing to projections in the second half.

Trout's All-Star Ballot All Up In Your Face

2007-06-14T21:20:00.001-04:00

So rather than diligently working on my last paper of the semester for every single waking minute yesterday, I decided I'd sit down for 10 minutes and fill out my 2007 MLB All-Star ballot 25 times. I also decided I'd watch Deadliest Catch, Mythbusters, the Red Sox vs. Rockies; wish Man vs. Wild was on again (tomorrow!); eat a lot of pistachios; check Deadspin and South Side Sox roughly 30 times throughout the day; do laundry; buy a Father's Day card... and many, many other time-wasting endeavors.

But I imagine if you're reading FTG, you care at least marginally more about the All-Star ballot than the rest of that crap. Because most of you faithful readers are also in my fantasy baseball league--which I lead, naturally--you've no doubt got ants in your pants wanting to find out who was on my ballot. "He's such a baseball wizard that he whips our asses at fantasy baseball every year," you say to yourselves, "he must really know who the All-Stars are." Well yes, yes, I do. Here they are, along with an explanation why, for instance, Ivan Rodriguez is on my ballot instead of Jorge Posada:

AL Squad:
1B-David Ortiz. What a lovable guy. Great smile.
2B-Placido Polanco. Felt sorry for him--he looks like a forceps birth baby.
3B-Mike Lowell. Because fuck the Yankees and Alex Rodriguez, that's why.
SS-Carlos Guillen. Because fuck the Yankees and Derek Jeter, that's why.
C-Ivan Rodriguez. Because fuck the Yankees and Jorge Posada, that's why.
OFs-Torii Hunter, Magglio Ordonez, Gary Sheffield. I was tempted to go with Craig Monroe for the all-Tigers outfield (hell, that'd make it almost an all-Tigers team), but for some reason I went with Sox killer Torii Hunter. Yeah, Vladi should probably be on this ballot, but he's gonna make the team no matter what.

NL Squad:
1B-Prince Fielder. Pujols is coasting on name recognition alone, but Prince is actually close enough to catch him. Let's make it happen, people. Looking forward to seeing his daddy Cecil in the stands. Let's lay down odds on how many seats he'll have to buy.
2B-Brandon Phillips. Because the sexy and logical pick is Chase Utley. Give Cincy some love!
3B-David Wright. See also: David Ortiz. So sexy!
SS-JJ Hardy. Because I'm fucking sick of hearing Joe Morgan fellate Jose Reyes. We all get it. He's good. But JJ Hardy's got 16 homers and he's making $400 grand. Like the chick in the picture, I've got JJ Hardy fever.
C-Russell Martin. Too lazy to look, but I think he's got the best stats. Lo Duca and McCann are coasting on past seasons.
OFs-Jeff Francoeur, Ken Griffey Jr., Carlos Lee. Because for some reason I enjoy snubbing Beltran--and you know he's starting no matter what. El Caballo would make former-Sox starter #2, with Maggs. And wouldn't it be fun to see Griffey starting in center... maybe for one last All-Star game?

The White Sox, after having 7 All-Stars last year, legitimately deserve no more than the minimum this year. And that man will probably be Bobby Jenks... or Mark Buehrle (who started last year) on the strength of his no-hitter. Funny thing is, all 7 of those All-Stars last year are still with the team. Boy, the luster of that World Series title wears off quick.

Tough Day To Be A Hardcore Dale Jr. Fan

2007-06-13T13:15:00.000-04:00

Well, Dale Jr. announced yesterday that he was switching teams. I know next to nothing about the internal workings of NASCAR, besides the fact that they are raking in the cash, but I did notice one tidbit towards the end of the article.

It is not known what number Earnhardt will drive.

Think about that for a second. There are some die hard NASCAR fans out there who dedicate their lives to associating themselves with a particular driver, and by extension his number. From what I've observed (and I do live in Kentucky) Earnhardt Jr.'s fans are about the most dedicated of them all. Let's suppose for a moment, that Little E (as I like to call him) does change his number. What does this mean to the fans?A whole new collection of camo hats?

A new Paint job maybe?

A trip back to the tattoo parlor for a touch up?

Good luck Jr. fans. It's going to be a tense couple of days.

Todd Helton's Playing for Boston in His Mind

2007-06-13T13:09:00.000-04:00

... or maybe he's desperately campaigning to play for the Carmines (here's lookin' at you Hawk Harrelson), like that girl at the bar who's trying just a little too hard. How do I know this, you ask? Well, luckily I've been blessed for a keen eye to fashion cues and what they mean for the game on the field.

Tuning into the Red Sox-Rockies game last night (does watching every single game make me a Red Sox fan? I can't decide), the first thing I wondered was where, oh where has the fresh faced Todd Helton of 2006 gone?

He's been replaced with a Todd Helton sporting an ass-ugly goatee, suspiciously like that of...

Kevin Youkilis, the guy he probably would've kicked off of first base had the Helton for Lowell/Tavarez/prospects trade gone through.

No prayer of that happening with Lowell and Youkilis both knocking the cover off the ball, and poor Todd is left to play for good ol' mediocre Colorado, mourning--or living vicariously--through his facial hair.

P.S. Joe Crede had back surgery yesterday and may never play another game in a Sox uniform (although that's probably overstating it--he should be ready to go by 2008, and his trade value is pretty questionable until he proves he can produce post-surgery). Sad. How quickly our heroes (read: man-crushes) fall.

In other news, Ozzie thinks the White Sox losing is like having blue balls night after night. How, I'm not exactly sure--perhaps because we know they have the potential, it just isn't happening? Anyway, from the Sun-Times: "As far as the latest loss by the Sox (27-33), Guillen compared it to kissing a girlfriend each night, hoping it finally is time to go further, before she once again announces it's time to leave." I wish I knew what the actual quote was instead of that bland paraphrase... so it goes.

P.P.S. Apropos of nothing, but this picture is too great not to post:

Freddy to go Under Knife, Just Wants a Little Weed for Anaesthetic

2007-06-13T00:28:00.000-04:00

Not much to say here besides Pat Gillick and his scouts are apparently pretty dumb. Anybody with two eyes and half a brain could see Freddy Garcia wasn't right last year, and now it looks like he'll have to have surgery on a messed up labrum. Here's what it all means, broken down all math-equation-y style:

Freddy Garcia '07 = Shoulder Gate '00 + plausible deniability

Obviously, Kenny has learned from past mistakes. Suspicion a guy you soon want to trade is injured? Simple, just don't have your docs take a look at him and then pray to God some stupid ass GM takes him off your hands for you. To top it all off, this time we got a player in Gio Gonzalez who is likely to contribute a little more to the club than David Wells ever did. In case you've forgotten, fatty, Chicago still hates you and your underperforming, Frank Thomas-hating shenanigans.

Adam Dunn's Last Name Can Be Substituted For The Word "Done" To Create Hilarious Headlines

2007-06-12T17:23:00.000-04:00

The secret is out, maybe. Adam Dunn is supposedly on the trading block and nobody is denying it. What's this mean? Well, the 50-homer-potential player who makes over $10 million per year could be heading out of the 'Nati to greener pastures. If you haven't read the details, Dunner isn't technically in the final year of his contract, but his club option for next year would be voided by a trade. That's a club option that the Reds would most certainly take advantage of, but would really sting them in their most sensitive area, the pocketbook. Getting rid of that salary could be a real coup for club, seeing as how they finally get rid of Eric Milton's contract ($10 million this year) after this season; meaning they'd have somewhere in the ballpark of $20 million to play with. That's an obscene amount of money for a team whose biggest free agent signing last winter was Alex Gonzalez (again, not the really shitty one, just the mediocre one).

Should the Reds trade Dunn? Well, a poll on Cincinnati.com shows the fans are pretty divided, but I think it's time. Just like Sean Casey did, Dunn has played just well enough for just long enough to be out of the Reds price range. It's time to get decent value for him and set yourself up for a push in the off season. All of this begs the question: where would he go? It's got to be a contendor and a team looking for some power that can put up with the strikeouts.

LA Dodgers - The team that really looks like they should win the NL West appears to be having trouble scoring runs. The Dodgers rank 12th in the NL in runs scored in June and are next to last in HR this season (only 39 in 64 games). It could happen because the Dodgers clearly are a "big market" team and could afford the salary hit. Unfortunately they've already got Luis Gonzalez in LF, so that could be awkward. (While we're here, please enjoy this awkward Nomar/Mia Hamm picture)

Detroit - I could see an Adam Dunn for Craig Monroe & prospects type of deal (assuming Detroit wanted to get rid of Monroe's almost $5m salary). Then, he and Sheffield could take turns booting balls in LF.

Minnesota - This one certainly makes sense, and I feel like the notion of a Twins pitching prospect can only be a good thing (see: Santana, Liriano), but it's really hard to see the financials working out. Twins management is too savvy, despite their glaring hole in left field.

Anaheim - The Angels have shown no lack of financial resources in the past few years. Plus, they could certainly use a DH with some pop. Interestingly, the Angels are coming to the 'Nati tonight for a three game set. If, by some chance, Dunn gets hot and bangs two or three big homers in this series, we could find ourselves with a motivated buyer.

NY Mets - Moises Alou is 40, and was eligible to come off the DL over a week ago but didn't. Shawn Green and Endy Chavez have both been hurt. You have to think Omar Minaya is going to think long and hard about a 27 year old slugger regardless of the money involved. It would at least steal some headlines from the Yankees for a few days. Plus, it would be great to watch Dunn try and handle the media crush up there. He might retire on the spot.

My prediction: Anaheim.

Also on ESPN.com this morning...

2007-06-12T10:21:00.000-04:00

... in the so sadly amusing it'll make you cry department, a new player rater. To give you an idea of where the White Sox stand, Magglio Ordonez--yes, former White Sox Magglio Ordonez--tops the list with an 87. Here are the top Sox hitters (tiny, I know, but deal with it):

Jim Thome is the only one to crack double digits--and he's at 16.3, tied with... wait for it... wait for it... Shawn Green. Wow. By contrast, the Reds have 4 hitters in double digits, and three in the 30s--Griffey, Dunn, and Brandon Phillips.

The pitchers fare only slightly better, screwed in part, I'm sure, by a lack of wins--something directly attributable to the lackluster offense:

Who, you ask, is just ahead of Bobby Jenks? Matt Guerrier. Again, who, you ask? The Twins' middle reliever, of course!

Best ESPN.com pulled quote ever

2007-06-12T10:11:00.001-04:00

I know why Uribe isn't paying anyone 25 grand. It's not because he didn't shoot the guy (although he probably didn't). It's because if he keeps hitting like he has been, he's gonna need to start saving his pennies.

Thoughts on USA Soccer and the Gold Cup

2007-06-11T21:48:00.000-04:00

I never really understood why the World Cup is so much bigger than the Olympics or any other international competition when it was the only soccer I ever watched. It's hard to put into context where the national teams fit in with the domestic leagues and club teams (and the big money, in particular). The truth is, the FIFA system is completely different than any other sport. When it's time for the USA basketball team to play in the Olympics, we slap together our All-Stars have them train for a few weeks and send them off to the tournament. In soccer it's so much more organized that there are games and camps year-round and the team has a full-time coach. This allows national teams to develop together and gain that level of camaraderie an Olympic basketball team could never get.

The recently appointed US Mens National Team coach, Bob Bradley, took a team of international and MLS players to the CONCACAF Gold Cup starting last Thursday. If you don't know what CONCACAF stands for, just remember that it means North America. Basically what that means is that the USA and Mexico come in as the overwhelming favorites. CONCACAF is not known as a strong region, and that's an understatement. It sucks.

The USA was placed into the region with Guatemala, El Salvador and Trinidad & Tobago (am I the only one who always forgets this country isn't in Africa) and opened with Guatemala Thursday. It was a frustrating game because of the style of play of the Guatemalans. Particularly Carlos Ruiz who, from the two games I've seen him play, has shown a penchant for diving and under-cutting defensemen in the air. By the end of the game I wanted to jump through the screen and slap him around myself. Apparently Gooch Onyewu felt the same way because he got a pair of yellow cards after dealing with the little shit. The US team, who should have scored several goals, held on after going a man down and won the game 1-0.

Does it sound pretentious to complain about a 1-0 win? If so, fuck it. The team looked out of sync and almost always a step slow on defense. Onyewu played just about as bad he could have and the same old story perpetuated itself: a total lack of finishing. Thank god for Dempsey.

Saturday's game brought an almost entirely new lineup and a fresh start against what was basically the T&T JV team (there was a dust up over players getting paid for the WC, so almost all of them sat out the Gold Cup). And, it was the same old story. Justin Mapp was the best player on the pitch until Donovan came in after halftime. Mapp hit a cross that basically bounced off Brian Ching to go in. Donovan then did just about the same for Eddie Johnson (who was pleasantly un-terrible for most of this game) on a break away. The back four was a little more solid in this game and I enjoyed watching the outside backs push up and make runs into the box, but this was not a good team and they gave the US fits for most of the game.

Again, the good news was a 2-0 win against a team they should have beat. USA officially advances to the quarterfinals and can play for seeding. The real bad news of the two games so far has been the officiating. In the Guatemala game, their midfielders got tired and were absolutely crushing our players. It was a disgusting display and truly shocking that CONCACAF couldn't do any better. It's a wonder no Americans got hurt. A new crew on Saturday night brought a whole new set of bullshit. One particular referee's assistant on the sideline made no less than FOUR indefensible offsides calls against US players and one awful out-of-bounds call. The announcers mentioned that he is from Cuba. Figures, commies.

So, what have we learned from two games into our regional tournament? First, CONCACAF sucks, as predicted. Anytime Canada can lose to Guadeloupe, and Mexico drops a turd against Honduras, you know we're not talking about world powers here. We've also learned that the USA team hasn't really fixed what was ailing them.

All that said, if you're one of the denizens who complains that watching the US Soccer team blows because they never win, this is the tournament for you. They've won it before and have to be the favorite after this weekend. Up next is El Salvador on Tuesday night (FSN) and then the quarterfinals to follow and hopefully a finals match up vs Mexico. I know I'll be watching.

Also, This Just In From the "I'm Refusing to Talk About the Team on the Field" Department:

2007-06-09T09:21:00.001-04:00

Freddy Garcia is hurt (and may see significantly more time on a couch than on a mound in the near future). Shocker there. Phillies, you are dumb. Shocker there, too. Here is who you traded the White Sox for bum-arm Garcia, who hasn't been "100 percent" (as near as I can tell, since the end of 2005) and has an ERA of 5.90 and a WHIP of 1.60 on his way to a 1-5 record this year:

Gavin Floyd (AAA): 3-3, 3.86 ERA with a 1.39 WHIP and 47 Ks in 58 1/3 innings
but, more importantly, a centerpiece of the big league club's 2009 (2008?) rotation:
Gio Gonzalez (AA): 4-3, 3.05 ERA with a 1.16 WHIP and 83 Ks in 62 innings

The future can't get here soon enough.

JD Drew missed the National League. A lot.

2007-06-08T23:31:00.001-04:00

Coming into tonight's game against the Arizona Diamondbacks, JD Drew was perhaps the biggest--and least noticed--free agent bust of the year. He had 2 homers all year, and over the course of the last month, he was sporting a .179 average and had knocked in 6 runs. A dose of National League pitching later, and he doubled his season homer total and more than doubled his RBIs for the month.

Why do I care about JD Drew, you ask? I don't really, except that he's on my TV pretty much everyday. I write about JD Drew because I refuse to write about the fucking White Sox.

The Cubs Were Apparently the Kiss of Death

2007-06-04T12:38:00.000-04:00

Welcome to Charlotte, David Aardsma. A big bullpen shake-up on the South Side finds Aardsma and Mike MacDougal in AAA and the delightfully unremarkable Bret Prinz and Ryan Bukvich up in the big leagues. I think the best thing that can happen here is that Aardsma and MacDougal get some things straightened out down on the farm... I'm not looking for Prinz and Bukvich to help right this sinking ship. But at the same time, bullpens are cruel, fickle mistresses and they can be great for a month and then absolutely suck... so you never know. Even Jonathan Papelbon can give up 9th inning homers to purple-lipped skirt-chasers. Remember when the Sox bullpen was their strength this year? Me too... vaguely. Oh, how I long for the halcyon days of Cliff Politte and Neal Cotts being lights out in the 7th and 8th... I really didn't appreciate how good we had it. There's always hope these guys can turn it around, though.

The real silver lining in this whole debacle? If I ever decide it's worth my time to listen to a White Sox game on the radio again, I won't have to hear Chris Singleton giggling as he says, at the prompting of Ed Farmer, "David AAAAAARRRRRRdsma enters the game." You know, it's funny because pirates say "arrrr" and Aardsma has two "a"s to start his name. It happens every single time. I wish I was kidding.

The most interesting thing about this move is how precipitously Aardsma fell. Going into the series against the Cubs a couple weeks ago, he was quite possibly the team's best reliever, better even than Jenks. Pitching against his former team must have really mindfucked Aardsma, though. Pre-Cubs, his ERA was 1.64--and it was only that high because of an uncharacteristic blown save opportunity against the Tigers way back on April 22. Post-Cubs, his ERA ballooned to 6.18 and he's given up 4 or more earned runs in 3 appearances (2 against the Cubbies and one this past weekend against the Blue Jays). Oh yeah, and he walked in the winning run against Minnesota, failing to throw even one strike to the only guy he faced (I hate you, Torii Hunter). Oops.

Man, it'd be fun to play major league baseball. But I don't know if I'd want to be throwing out of the bullpen. As Aardsma and MacDougal (he of the freshly-minted 3 year $6 million+ contract) have proven over the past couple weeks, your leash is pretty short. Forget how to throw strikes in a few appearances, and you'll be riding the bus with Brian Anderson instead of showing up the batboy in the daily Jeopardy! clubhouse competition. Whatever will he do if he can't catch his daily Trebek fix? Oh... maybe he'll remember how to pitch again.

Another Day, Another Bullpen Implosion

2007-06-03T17:40:00.001-04:00

I haven't had a chance to watch--or even listen to--any White Sox games over the past week or so, thank God. It's much better for my health to just glance at the bottom line ticker or check a boxscore and shake my head, quickly moving on with my life.

Now that they're two games under .500 at 25-27, I thought I'd take a quick look around the standings and point out the teams who, sadly, have a better record than the Sox at this point. I'm ignoring teams like Boston and Anaheim because they're legitimately better than the South Siders. But did you know that the following AL teams are currently "better" than the 2005 World Champs?

Seattle. Sure, they were my idiotic sleeper pick to win the West, but at 27-25 I think the Mariners have surprised everyone, myself included. We're talking about a team that, for the first month of the season, thought it made sense to trot out Jeff Weaver--by any objective statistical measure, surely the worst pitcher in baseball--every fifth day. Now Weaver apparently thinks he's too good to do a minor league rehab stint. Wow. Sure, Jim Thome, Ryan Howard, and Roger Freaking Clemens aren't too good for the minors, but Jeff Weaver is. If the Mariners end up with a better record than the ChiSox, Kenny Williams should have to do some serious soul-searching. And all that "the AL Central is the toughest division in baseball" BS isn't a valid excuse.

Baltimore and Toronto. Both teams, at 27-29, are only better than the ChiSox by one one-thousandth of a percentage point, but I rationalize their inclusion with the assumption that after the ChiSox play four more games, they'll probably be no better than 27-29. I guess Toronto is roughly comparable to the White Sox (and maybe even better--hence, a bigger disappointment thus far), but Baltimore? Really? Baltimore isn't even trying. Peter Angelos just wants money, not a contender. Suck.

Oakland. They have no offensive firepower (Jack Cust was their savior for 2 weeks!) and yet they're killing the Sox in team average and runs scored, just like every team in baseball. They've lost a bunch of key players to the DL--Rich Harden, Huston Street, Mike Piazza, and Milton Bradley--compared to the White Sox's losses of the incredibly replaceable Erstad, Ozuna, and Podsednik. And they're at least at .500. Damn it.

OK, that's enough frustration for one night. Time to go watch some Red Sox-Yankees. Quite the treat that they're on ESPN tonight... I'd never see those two teams otherwise--and facing each other to boot! Wowee!

Welcome Back to the South Side of .500... and other random thoughts around baseball

2007-06-01T14:06:00.000-04:00

Well, the White Sox dropped their fifth straight last night to sink to a game below .500. At least they did it in record time so as to not prolong the misery: Roy Halladay and Mark Buehrle collaborated to finish this one in about 1:50. Too bad Buehrle had to give up a couple solo shots tonight (one to Big Frank) as the only hits he surrendered all game. He must have been on, because he only threw 91 pitches over 8 innings in the loss. Man, I really hope the White Sox re-sign him rather than trading him by the deadline or letting him go. I'll miss him sliding around on rain delay tarps. Oh wait, management doesn't let him do that anymore. Fuckers.

What could be more emblematic of the way the Sox are playing right now than Darin Erstad going down like a sack of potatoes on a swinging strike (video in right-hand sidebar if you're interested) and Hawk apparently on the verge of tears about it in the booth? It's hard to think of anything. Erstad may be back sooner rather than later because he apparently didn't break his ankle, but it's hard for me to believe that it really matters that much either way for the Sox. I'm not going to pile on Erstad like a lot of Sox bloggers out there, but I doubt the Sox are much worse with Jerry Owens in center instead of the punter-grinder. I'm not giving up on this team just yet, but if they're more than 4 out by the All-Star break, stick a fork in them, they done.

And before I leave off the White Sox, let me tell you how much fun it is to see practically every televised game of the best team in baseball with the second-most obnoxious fan base in baseball, currently 20 games over .500 while I watch my team flounder from afar. Guhhhhhh....
-----

So how about these A-Rod shenanigans? No, not the strip club/wife-cheating stuff. Sure, it's fun to know that A-Rod is into the "she-male, muscular type" strippers, but that presumably has little to do with his on-field exploits. No, I'm talking about his Little League-style distraction of a Blue Jays infielder, causing a dropped pop up that apparently everyone in baseball needs to weigh in on (note to A-Rod: you're probably in the wrong when Barry Bonds and Ozzie Guillen are backing you up). What the fuck is with this guy? First, the glove-slapping incident, and now this. Every kid who played Little League--or any other youth sport, for that matter--should be familiar with this sort of behavior. It always comes from that nancy-boy prick that no one likes. Note #2 to A-Rod: You're now 31 years old, not 11. If you're going to play like a douchebag asshole, at least grow up and do it like a man (see: Bruce Bowen).

In other Yankees news, Jason Giambi could be out the rest of the season after tearing up his foot rounding the bases in a home run trot. Ha. Awesome. One word for you, Mr. Giambi and your fellow Yankees: karma. Enjoy joining that shitstorm, Rocket. You deserve it.

Last but not least, while we here at FTG regularly like to make light of the annual Kerry Wood/Mark Prior sagas over on the North Side, it's not meant in any way (at least when it comes from me) to take glee in their career-threatening injuries. Instead, it's meant to take glee in yet another source of Cubbie disappointment. If you haven't had the chance to check out the New York Times feature on Kerry Wood (and pitching injuries in general), do yourself a favor and go read it. It's impossible to not feel for Kerry Wood (and Mark Prior, wherever you are), a 29-year-old guy who is now a 9 year major league vet and just wants to make it back so his 2-year-old kid can experience his daddy playing in Wrigley. Here's hoping that Kerry makes it back one of these days and has a successful career. For a losing Cubs team.

Time to Jump on a New Bandwagon!

2007-05-25T08:00:00.000-04:00

It's not even June yet, but the Reds just lost three out of four to the Nationals, at home dropping them to 18-30 and I'm officially done with them. They now have the worst record in baseball. This month certainly hasn't gotten any better after the horrendous start. The media is beginning to call for Jerry Narron's head and I can't say that I blame them. He consistently mismanages games, dreams up ridiculous lineups and fields a piss poor defensive team on a nightly basis. There's absolutely no signs of righting this ship.

What I'm getting at is this: it's time for me to find another team to root for. I love baseball too much to just give it up for the rest of the season. Now, I'm open to all options if anyone has a compelling reason why I should root for their team, but here's the way I see it:

No Way, No How
Cubs - I'd rather take up knitting and stab myself wit the needles in my temples

Yankees - Only if Steinbrenner paid me $17 million/year.

Red Sox - Maybe after they offered me $17 million to prove they're just as good as the Yankees.

Indians - Even if I could set the in-state rivalry aside, I'm not going to cheer for a red-faced grinning mascot with a feather in his headband.

Astros - Not even if they brought back the retro unis and issued a public statement stating "Roger Clemens is a bitch."

Your Team Sucks
Pirates - I wrote a whole season preview on these guys, have watched them play several times and still couldn't name you a single starting pitcher. No thanks.

Rangers - If it weren't for their off day yesterday they'd have had a chance to tie the Reds for worst record in baseball. At least they have Eric Gagne.

Royals - Shouldn't they have been relegated years ago?

Nationals - While I do support our nation, I'm just going to have to wait and see how this whole grievance thing plays out. I don't want to get pulled into the middle of a nasty court battle.

Rockies - Jeeze, it's already Todd Helton trade rumor season? Time's just slipping away.

Devil Rays - Tampa is playing games in minor league parks now. Must be good for team morale.

Your Barry Bonds Sucks
Giants - Ummm no. The Bonds debacle and easy, breezy, beautiful Barry Zito? Moving on...

Just Fell Short
Brewers - Feel good story, plus who doesn't like people with Wisconsin accents, or cheese, or running sausages. Really, I could root for this team in the playoffs, but they just have too many games against Cincinnati and I couldn't even pretend.

Blue Jays and Orioles - I couldn't figure out a "bird watching" joke for this spot that didn't make me want to throw away my keyboard, so make up your own. Anyway, this should be a fun race for third in the division, yet again, and that's not really worth cheering for.

White Sox - I have no intention to indulge my blog cohort and actually follow his team instead of asking him how many homers Aaron Rowand has for the Sox this year. I bet he hits a hundred.

Diamondbacks - I like their young talent, but I don't think anybody believes they'll pass the three teams ahead of them. Plus, their stadium has air conditioning which is kind of a turn-off. I like my stadiums like my women: hot, sweaty and open-air.

Mariners - Ichiro and Felix, right? That's all I know. Apparently the Pacific Northwest has shut off all baseball transmissions to the Midwest. I have yet to see them play and we all know that Bristol is pretty far away from Seattle so I'm not holding my breath for highlights. It would be virtually impossible for me to follow this team.

Twins - Just not their year. The pitching staff isn't there (single tear for Liriano), and Torii Hunter is playing his butt off to get himself traded after the All-Star break and paid in the off-season. I wonder if he's been talking to Carlos Lee.

The Contenders
Phillies - They've got some exciting young pieces and some wily veterans. That sounds like a fun team to watch. Sadly, no one told Ryan Howard that the season has started and Tom "Rascal Scooter" Gordon is showing his age. Do I think they can make the playoffs? Yeah, I do. Do I think they will? Probably not.

Athletics - Here's another west coast team I know nothing about. I'd love to learn some fun facts about the A's. For all I know, Dan Haren pitches every day and Nick Swisher has formulated his entire persona with the expressed purpose of stealing Jason Giambi's former life.

Padres - I feel like they have some good karma, lots of talent, and of course Greg Maddux pitching complete games against the Reds. How can it go wrong? My only concern is that all the drama of this ongoing immigration debate might get to them, being so close to the border. After all, their offense would be in trouble if Adrian Gonzalez got deported.

Tigers - Last year's feel-good story of the playoffs, until they somehow completely fell apart in the Series. I like Magglio Ordonez and Sean Casey will always hold a special place in my heart. Don't judge me. An added bonus with this choice is that it would really tweak Trout if I was writing about the Tigers for the rest of the season. I think he might have a breakdown if they made the playoffs and the Sox were on the outside looking in. That would make it all worth it.

Braves - Advantage: on TBS all the time so I could actually watch games. Disadvantage: personal history. That's right, I have a grudge against the Braves. When I was in my formative years of little league (6th grade All-Star baby!) I played for the Phillies and was damned proud of it. The same season my brother played for the Braves thus establishing some loosely formed allegiances. Well, that just so happened to be 1993 when they met in the NLCS. We were a house divided. Of course, the Braves won, and I haven't forgiven them since. And I still have a hard time whenever I see John Kruk. Okay, I feel better.

Angels - I like Vlad, I like their pitching staff, I couldn't tell you if Garret Anderson is still playing or not. Yet another west coast team who ends their games at 1am. Of course, there's always Disneyland!

Dodgers - My pick to win the West, they're looking pretty good so far. The problem: they have some douchebags. Could I really convince myself to root for Nomar? Maybe. Jeff Kent though? Not a chance. Just look at that moustache. I'm pretty sure even Kent's teammates want to see him strike out.

So there you have it. I really don't know who to pick. I'm leaning towards the Tigers, but I do hate the notion of picking an AL team. Maybe I'll go with the Braves and try to convince myself that the Reds are going to sign Andruw Jones this offseason. I can't decide. Thoughts?

Knock on Wood...

2007-05-22T08:15:00.001-04:00

I really don't want to jinx it, but watch out because Ken Griffey Jr. is having a pretty solid start to his season. Last night he hit his ninth homer of the year and drove in his 27th run. Not bad for an old guy with bionic legs and brittle bones. Maybe we'll see a 100 RBI season out of him again after all. Or maybe a stiff breeze will turn him into a pile of dust as he rounds the bases. Stay tuned.

As for the rest of the game...Arroyo sucked for basically the first time all season. Not sure what 6 ER in 2 IP is all about.... Javy Valentin's homer was absolutely crushed down the right foul line. It had a chance to bounce into the river.... The bullpen has not gone into radioactive meltdown in about three days, shockingly.... I like when they win better than when they lose.

Ugh. Blew Another One.

2007-05-19T18:41:00.000-04:00

What was that I said a month ago about the bullpen being stellar? Nevermind. Apparently this is going to be the type of season that when the pitching and defense are good, the offense doesn't have a clue; when the offense starts to come around, the pitching goes in the toilet. I'm no master baseball strategist, but could this have something to do with carrying 7 guys in the bullpen? 7 guys who aren't seeing a whole lot of work because they have to split time?

Oh well. Screw it. Even though these losses sting even more because they came up on the North Side, I'll continue to try and look on the bright side--Thome is back next week, Toby Hall is back and can hit (if not play defense), the offense is starting to come around, and the bullpen isn't as bad as it's looked the past two days. Or if it is, at least Gage and I can commiserate about our mediocre teams with mediocre bullpens.

Four Errors.

2007-05-18T17:02:00.000-04:00

Way to blow a good outing by Buehrle, assholes--you can bet he wasn't smiling like that after MacDougal took a giant crap on his game by giving up a triple to the force that is Angel Pagan. Mike MacDougal, you are the weakest link. Go sit at the end of the bullpen.

As bad as the bullpen was, the errors bother me more. I don't know what the numbers are on how often a team wins when they commit 4 errors, but it can't be often. I do know, however, that Jose Valentin is the career leader in errors committed amongst active players, and we didn't win a whole lot of important games win that douche was around...

What a fucking month.

2007-05-18T11:55:00.000-04:00

Thursday brought the first day of blessed relief in this month of the Reds' schedule after what has been one of the more painful implosions I can remember. Just for reference, here's a quick rundown of May so far:

May 1: Win 11-2 at Houston. Alright, way to start the month off strong. The bats wake up, the bullpen gets to relax a little bit. Bronson finally get some run support. We're right in the race. All is right with the world.

May 2: Lose 1-3 at Houston. Fucking Roy Oswalt. Can we get him put in a different division? Jesus Christ this guy is incredible. Adam Dunn's homer is the only run in the game. Just excruciating to watch, unless you're an Astros fan, I presume.

May 3: Lose 5-7 at Houston. Well, that was certainly exciting. The Redlegs come back to score three in the top of the eight and take a 5-4 lead. This one would have been a big win. I had one commercial break worth of excitement until Mike Stanton (the 40 year old) enters the game in the bottom of the inning and gives up three without recording an out. Way to blow a division series.

May 4: Lose 4-5 vs. Colorado. Both starters kind of sucked in this one, Griffey homered which was encouraging and the game went into extra innings. Enter the incomparable Mike Stanton. Having borrowed a 12 year old girl's arm again, he surrenders the winning run in the 11th. Surely, he's got to snap out of it, right?

May 5: Lose 9-7 vs. Colorado. The Rockies clinch their first road series win of the season. Encouraging. Harang struggles, Coffey sucks, Santos let's it blow wide open. A two run eigth inning rally falls short. The Java Man is found crying into his espresso at his locker after the game. Seriously, we're not better than Colorado?

May 6: Win 9-3 vs. Colorado. Thank you baseball gods. I don't know if I could handle losing three straight at home to the Rockies. Arroyo doesn't pitch his best, but the bats come to life against the venerable Josh Fogg. Josh Hamilton hit two homers in this game. Jeeze, the guy is incredible. My meth dealer has nothing but good things to say about him, too.

May 7: Lose 5-4 vs. Houston. Oh, sweet. Oswalt again. Twice in one week. That's just great. What's that? Yes, I do realize I'm holding a clump of my own hair. Oswalt pitches 7 strong innings, but the Reds are still in the game and take the lead. Ryan Freel goes 0-5 with two strikeouts batting leadoff. That's knowing your role. Ohhh and guess what. The 40 year old noodle arm has another ERA of infinity on the night and the 'Stros come back to win against the bullpen.

May 8: Lose 6-7 vs. Houston. Eric Milton doesn't completely suck, he only mostly sucks but gives the Reds a chance to win the game. Alas, the bullpen surrenders three more runs and Dave Weathers can't even hold to a one run game in the ninth. I think I'm hyperventilating, pass me that brown paper bag, and that bottle of Scotch.

May 9: Lose 2-3 vs. Houston. Woody Williams shuts down the bats giving up 2 through 6.2 and yet another solid performance by Matt Belisle goes wasted. Woody fucking Williams. The bullpen throws out some guys who aren't fat and/or old and somehow they don't give up any runs. Shocking.

May 10: Win 9-5 vs. Houston. Way to "salvage" this four game series. Winning only the final game of a four game home series is like masturbating after some lackluster sex. Sure, you got off, but what the hell were you doing the rest of the time? By the way, Griffey and Dunn are quietly getting hot.

May 11: Lose 0-2 at Los Angeles. This was the game where Randy Wolf decided to strike out 11 in seven innings. Yeah, who saw that one coming? Arroyo pitches well again and fails to get a win. His ERA is UNDER THREE and he only has two wins!! Tragic, really. Note: this begins the west coast road trip where everything got hazy at about the 6th inning when I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore.

May 12: Lose 3-7 at Los Angeles. Brad Penny has big sloping shoulders. He scares me. He also scared the Reds' lineup. The Dodgers threw up a five spot on Lohse in the fifth and that's all it took. This is a frustrating LA lineup. No power, no superstars, just smart hitters who knock in base runners. Well, at least I still like my pick for them to win the West.

May 13: Lose 5-10 at Los Angeles. Happy Mothers' Day! The bullpen gives up five in a tie game going into the eighth. Shockingly, Mike Stanton was only responsible for one of those. Stanton's current ERA, a robust 8.18. Sweep! My apathy has peaked.

May 14: Lose 1-7 at San Diego. As the headlines point out, Maddux pitches his first complete game in two years. Have he and Randy Wolf formed some sort of secret society to conspire against Cincinnati? What is happening? Where am I? Greg Maddux is supposed to be an over-the-hill serviceable pitcher who gives you six innings and then goes and takes a nap.

May 15: Win 2-1 at San Diego. Aaron Harang pitches nine and gives up one run, and the game goes to extra innings. Somehow David Wells goes 8 innings with 1 ER. What the fuck is going on here? .... Give me a minute.... a blood vessel in my brain just burst. Griffey hits a homer in the 12th to push the Reds over the top. Congrats to the bullpen on one game not blown. I feel like we need one of those signs they hang up in factories: "This bullpen has gone __ days without a blown save. Let's keep it that way."

May 16: Lose 2-3 at San Diego. A grand total of five runs scored in this series. Talk about offense! Arroyo went a complete game, eight innings and still lost. One ER and two errors equals three runs for the Padres. For the record, the defense still sucks. I know I haven't mentioned it to this point, so let me reiterate: the defense still sucks balls. Gah.

So, there you have it. The Reds have checked in with a 4-12 record in the month of May dropping themselves to the bottom of the division (10 games back) and close to the worst record in baseball. How quickly it can happen. So, here's my final question. As a fan, is it better for your team to blow the season in May and free up the rest of your summer, or is it more fun to see a competitive team until August/September completely shit the bed? I'm on the fence, myself.

Chris Singleton Was Better Than Barry Bonds' Brother

2007-05-16T19:24:00.000-04:00

Which is pretty sad, really. Singleton's career line: 45 homers, 276 RBIs, .273 BA, .312 OBP--everything went downhill after his rookie year for the Sox. Perhaps that's why Barry's brother is running his mouth right now. Running that forklift just can't compete with brother Barry's and daddy Bobby's baseball greatness, so the only way he can get on ESPN.com is by saying something mildly controversial about Hank Aaron's plans to be absent from Barry's record-breaking night (I'm not unaware that Bobby Jr. is arguing more or less the same thing I did a week or two ago, but come on... you're yapping about your brother to the media? Really?).

Make no mistake, listening to Ed Farmer and Chris Singleton call Sox games on WSCR is 95% pain and 5% gratification (if I hadn't made that clear already), but about 4 out of that 5% of gratification is listening to Farmer trying to get Singleton to name names and tell stories about his (mostly) minor and major league exploits and hearing Singleton giggle and hedge and say that he doesn't want to name names.

One of the better stories Singleton actually did end up telling (he doesn't have many, I don't think--again, for pure entertainment value, as I've said before, give me Hawk and DJ over Farmer and Singleton any day) was about playing with (or against? I can't really remember) Bobby Bonds, Jr. in the minors.

Apparently Bobby Jr. was pretty bad--couldn't hit the ball worth a shit. Singleton said that Bobby was always bitching about how he'd "hit more homers with a better bat"... or maybe it was that he'd "get called up to the majors if they'd let him use better bats." Singleton kinda giggled and noted that, you know, everyone on the team used the same damn bats. Very true, Chris, very true.

Anyway, there you have it. Bobby Bonds, Jr. sucks. Go back to your forklift. Leave the bitching about Major League Baseball to anonymous, talentless bloggers like myself.

Oh, and nice to take that first game from the Yanks this afternoon. Dare I speculate that the offense is waking up? Maybe they finally got some of those bats they never let Bobby Jr. have.

Ozzie Guillen Is Uninterested in Sweeping Teams

2007-05-13T17:42:00.000-04:00

Mostly because I'm too lazy but perhaps also because it isn't true, I can't verify this at all. Nevertheless, it seems to me that every time the Sox have an opportunity to sweep a team (and I'm not talking about some stupid 2 game series), Ozzie fields the scrubbiest lineup imaginable.

OK. It's a Sunday. Guys get days off on Sundays. I understand this. OK, AJ Pierzynski needs rest in a bad way. I understand this. But when the White Sox have a chance to sweep a series they had no business sweeping (see both Friday and Saturday night, where the Royals absolutely handed each game to the Sox), when the hitters continue to struggggggle, when Toby Hall is on the brink of coming back, and when you're looking at an off day on Monday, is it too much to ask to have your best lineup on the field? You know, the lineup that has the one guy, apart from Juan Uribe, that is actually showing some semblance of offensive consciousness. AJ is hitting .389 with 2 homers and a double over the past week. Compare that to the team batting average of... ugh... .223 (the lowest, by 11 points, in the majors; nobody else is even close).

Yeah, Javy needs to not give up a 3 run jack to Mark Teahen (that was sadly prescient of you, Bob), and no, the Sox aren't going to score 11 runs even if AJ is in the lineup instead of Molina. The lineup card is really a secondary issue.

More importantly, the Sox continue to choke in key situations. How many times are the Sox going to squander bases loaded or just plain old runners-in-scoring-position opportunities, particularly against mediocre pitchers? This is getting absurd. You aren't going to win many games with 1 run of support--a run that was scored by a bases freaking loaded walk.

I'm not one to be too rash about this sort of thing or look for scapegoats, but when you consistently fail (and by consistent I mean all freaking season--over 30 games to this point) at moving runners over and getting runners in with less than 2 out, something needs to change. That thing is you, Greg Walker.

P.S. It doesn't even really need to be said, but giving up 11 runs to the Royals (tied for the most they've scored this year) is just plain embarrassing. What a horrible, horrible game. Maybe the White Sox should issue an official apology to all the mothers that attended the game today. Ugly, ugly, ugly.

Get It, Count

2007-05-10T21:14:00.000-04:00

And by "it," I mean a piece of AJ's ass. Get it. Oh, and a complete game shutout. Get that too. Who knew? I honestly thought you'd sort of forgotten how to pitch. What a pleasant surprise. A game over .500 (and 4 back of Cleveland and Detroit) going back home for a 3 game set with KC. You know what that means: if the Sox aren't 4 games over .500 at the end of the weekend, it'll feel like a lost opportunity. It'd be nice to shave a game off of that Detroit and Cleveland lead before we see the Yanks at US Comsicular next week, too. TCB, boys, TCB.

What I Know & Why I'm An Idiot: Round 2

2007-05-07T15:30:00.000-04:00

I know that the Reds really can compete for a playoff spot in the Central. They have starting pitching and a pretty solid lineup. They've even been playing better defense this year (or at least Adam Dunn says he's trying harder, and we all know what matters is that you try your best). Plus, they've got the Josh Hamilton Experience just gaining steam and warm fuzzies all over the land.

I'm an idiot because, well they keep fucking losing. And not just losing, blowing winnable games. I occasionally wake up screaming after another nightmare about the bullpen. The falling dream is nothing compared to the "blown four-run lead in the bottom of the 9th" dream. Now, that'll make you wet the bed. I'm also an idiot because I'm putting a whole lot of faith in 36 year old Eddie Guardado coming back from an arm injury to being the closer. I'm not proud of my flawed belief system, but it's all I've got.

I know that the dentist is going to tell me to floss more every time I see him, just like he did today. I also know that he has a bigshot degree, but I'd be nice to see him for more than five minutes per visit.

I'm an idiot because I never take his advice and now I have three brand new cavities waiting to get filled next week. Bring on the Novocaine!

I know that I've become completely apathetic towards this whole Bonds business. It's a foregone conclusion that he's going to break the record now and I couldn't care less. Despite the report Trout mentions below, the media has saturated us with so much talk about it that any ardent follower of the sport knows he did 'roids and knows the record will be tainted. So, I just don't care.

I'm an idiot because... well, because fuck Barry Bonds, that's why. He's a cheater and an asshole and doesn't deserve to break the record. Plus, what kind of worthless SOB do you have to be the most famous player in the game, have your own reality show and still not be able to make anybody like you? Plus, he looks like one of those squeezable dolls where there head blows up and the eyes bugg out. Screw you fat head.

I know that I was really excited for the boxing match Saturday night. Mayweather came off looking like a real piece of garbage beforehand (although I did like him referring to himself as "the 50 Cent of boxing." What's that mean, Floyd? Two hits and then your career is over?). So I was rooting for De La Hoya, even though I had money on Mayweather. We bought the fight and all got together to watch it. I hadn't done that in a long time, and it was fun.

I'm an idiot because the fight was generally pretty boring, just like boxing tends to be today. It went exactly as everybody predicted with Mayweather just being too quick for Oscar. Snooze. Nobody even got hurt in this fight. It was light a couple of heavyweights (in the bad defensive and grabby sort of way). I'm officially done with boxing. At least I won money on Mayweather.

I know that the Kentucky Derby is always one of my favorite days of the year. If you live in KY and can't find a Derby party to go to, you're not looking. We had a grand time, and I made some wagers and drank some beer. And then some more. There's nothing quite like showing up at a partying and hearing "Hey Gage, free keg beer. It was leftover from some frat party." Really? I mean I'm still in my 20s but frat beer? Not that I didn't drink it, of course.

I'm an idiot because I always feel the need to bet more money than I have any business betting on the race. It's really amazing how quickly a trifecta can go to shit. In the blink of an eye, really. Let's just say I had multiple tickets and not one of them had Street Sense on it. Ugh. It's a good thing you can't be addicted to gambling. Whew.

I know that I haven't been posting much lately and I blame that on a number of issues, such as having a "real job" and "responsibilities."

I'm an idiot because I'm really just lazy. I know it's hard to believe, but sometimes I want to just lay on the couch with my pants off watching a Reds' game. Is that so wrong?

A Few Thoughts on Barry Bonds and Race

2007-05-06T22:29:00.000-04:00

Well, until the Clemens signing dwarfed all other weekend baseball headlines, the "scientific polling" about Barry Bonds that raised interesting questions about race, drugs, and record breaking was about as juicy as it gets. Juicy. Get it?

What's almost more interesting to me than the actual results of the ABC/ESPN polling is how surprised the media seems to be--or how surprised the media seems to think we should be--that race is a significant aspect of the whole Bonds saga. Although I generally detest Joe Morgan, I have to say he was pretty much on target when he matter-of-factly said something on the Sunday Night Baseball broadcast to the effect of, "Well, when you have questions surrounding black athletes in sports, it's no surprise that there will always be a racial divide over how people perceive that athlete." Now, I don't know about always, Joe, because I like to fancy myself an optimist sometimes and I prefer to avoid words like "always" and "never" (although my fiancee would probably beg to disagree--apparently I have a habit of saying things like "You never unload the dishwasher." What can I say, sometimes always and never are warranted.), but you're right on target with how unsurprising these results should be.

Maybe the surprise has something to do with this poll following so closely on the heels of the self-congratulatory Jackie Robinson festivities a few weeks ago in which it seemed like all was right with baseball racially ("look how far we've come, look what progress we've made!" was the storyline). Sure, the Jackie Robinson celebrations and observations initiated serious conversations about the dwindling African American presence in baseball--but (1) figuring out how to get black kids interested in baseball and (2) figuring out how to deal with what appears to be a quite wide racial divide over a controversial black athlete that perhaps reveals an even deeper and broader racial gap in the sport are two drastically different things.

You want black kids to get involved in youth baseball, Bud? Well, first get your ass in gear and throw some money to some urban initiatives. But maybe you should also man up, make a statement, and be in the freaking ballpark when Barry Bonds--who, aside from being a steroid-using athlete, is also a black athlete--breaks Hank Aaron's record. You think the black fans--adults and kids alike--buy your bullshit line to the effect of "Hey, I wasn't there for Clemens' 300th win, why should I be there for Barry's 756th homer?" (First: 300 wins? Please. 22 pitchers have 300 wins. One man has 755 homers. If Roger Clemens broke Cy Young's wins record, you'd sure as hell be there, asshole). Maybe blacks believe that argument as much as when cops try to tell them that they're not targeted for traffic stops. If they (rightly) see themselves as being guilty of driving while black, how do they not see Barry as guilty of breaking records while black?

What do we learn from this whole mess? Well, maybe a thing or two about how little America has progressed on racial issues... but this is a sports blog, not an academic blog. I deal with these issues too much on a daily basis to want to address them here. So, as far as baseball goes, primarily we get further confirmation that Bud Selig is a colossal fuck-up that seems to compound one fuck-up with another.

He fucked up the 1994 season (and, as a White Sox fan, that one particularly stung). He fucked up (and continues to fuck up) the whole steroids mess by turning a blind eye to Sosa and McGwire because their homers were "good for baseball" coming back from the strike. He fucked up the All-Star game. He's fucking up the salary cap and revenue sharing. And now he's fucking up the celebration of one of baseball's truly special record chases in part because he's already fucked up the steroids issue.

Should Barry have done steroids? Probably not. But should the pitchers he was hitting against (I'm looking at you, Rocket) have done steroids? Probably not. But if it's not against the rules, it's not cheating. And that's what we've got to work with. Sosa and McGwire broke the single-season record on the juice and baseball loved it. Bonds broke those records and baseball loved it a little less. Now Bonds is closing in on an even bigger record, and Bud wants baseball to love it hardly at all, wants to scapegoat Barry for this whole mess that he doesn't have the balls to fix himself. Well screw you, Bud. I'm rooting for Barry.

A Million Dollars a Start

2007-05-06T19:04:00.000-04:00

Stupid. No, Steinbrenner's not stupid for spending it. I admire an owner shelling out money to win, regardless of whether or not that money is recklessly or stupidly spent (and I'd say $4.5 million/month on Roger is better spend that whatever they threw at Carl Pavano and Jaret Wright).

Baseball's just stupid for the absence of a salary cap allowing him to spend it. If you want some sort of legacy that goes beyond being a dipshit, Bud, you'd be wise to give some serious thought
to instituting a salary cap.

Oh, and Yankees fans--you still won't win the division. Wildcard, maybe. But a 44-year-old Roger pitching every five days (assuming he doesn't get hurt, which is a pretty big assumption--the Yanks could see exactly the same injury troubles that precipitated Rocket's signing in the first place) doesn't automatically hand you the division, let alone a world championship. My money's still on the BoSox (and that's not the RedSox Nation bias talking... I don't think).

Baseball: It's Just For Men

2007-05-02T16:58:00.000-04:00

It's killing me that I can't find the audio for this (or web evidence, for that matter), but when I tuned into the depressing White Sox losses last night and this afternoon (obviously they've taken to believing that scoring runs any other way besides the homerun is for pussies... or they've just become preoccupied with the homerun in general, kind of like Ed Farmer--who, again today, felt compelled to say "one swing can tie it"! Shut up, Ed, just shut up), I was treated to a Just For Men haircolor commercial featuring none other than Andre Dawson and Carlton Fisk.

I guess it's just the Chicago version of the broader ad campaign featuring (I'm) Keith Hernandez(!) and Walt Frazier... and it made me sort of pray for a version out there featuring Johnny Bench and Joe Morgan (note to Gage: keep your ears peeled). I'd also add that Just For Men seems to be making a concerted effort to feature an interracial ad campaign... it's good to know men of all colors can unite over sports and graying hair.

I'd be lying if I didn't think a little less of the Hawk for stumbling his way through "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" (instead of "I don't care if I never get back" it's some awful, stilted line about gray not coming back, and instead of "three strikes you're out," it's "three strikes gray's out") with Pudge, but on some level it was oddly reminiscent of Bob Dylan and Paul Simon stumbling their way through "Bridge Over Troubled Water" back on their 1999 joint tour. And that was cool just for the novelty. It was nice to be reminded just that Andre's still out there, too... and at least marginally culturally relevant. Ahhh, childhood, how I miss thee...

Hey! What's Happening In Soccer? Or: Yet Another Self-Indulgent Post

2007-04-27T16:19:00.000-04:00

What's happening? I'll tell you what, it's getting exciting. With apologies to MLS (I swear I'm giving it a chance), the game over in Europe has been really heating up. Look, there's even yelling. For those of you who actually recall reading old posts, I've been diligently following the English Premiership all season and we're really hitting the home stretch now. Keeping up with Liverpool has been fairly easy this season because they have been towards the top of the table (standings) in the EPL for most of the season. However, with the play of Manchester United and Chelsea (combined payroll $4 kajillion) the Reds have been mostly outsiders looking in, even from third place. The good news/bad news of the season is that we're coming down to the wire and there's going to be some important games for those top two teams but on the flip side there's no playoffs like in American sports and Liverpool is basically out of the running. In the place of these playoffs is the Champions League (tournament for the best teams from every league in Europe).

As a useless side note, I'm a little confused by all of this because in the good ole USA, there one champion and that's that. So, I find myself wondering what is more important to an English team, winning the league or the Champions League title? It seems like a toss-up. I know one thing, Liverpool are firmly focused on winning the CL because they have not other options.

In case you don't follow the game, we're in the semifinals now, with the top three English sides and AC Milan (ummm.. Italian, right?). The format includes each team getting a home game and the aggregate score determining the winner, with away goals as the tiebreaker. This last part is a rule that I've decided I hate. The notion that certain goals are worth more than others bothers me and leads to some questionable (if not downright boring) strategies.

This week was the first leg of the semis with the second legs on Tuesday and Wednesday (2:30 pm, set your DVR). Currently, Chelsea leads Liverpool 1-0 and ManU leads AC Milan 3-2, with both of the home teams winning. What's it all mean? Well, both Liverpool and Milan both need to score at home, but the Liverpool is in a bit rougher shape. For example, if Milan wins 2-1 at home they advance (aggregate 4-4, away goals 2-1) but if Liverpool wins by the same score, then they would lose on away goals. So, interestingly Chelsea wants a high scoring game (that they don't lose by more than one) and ManU wants a low scoring game (ditto). I guess what I'm saying is be prepared for a snoozefest in Milan and the possibility of fireworks at Anfield. But, if that doesn't happen, remind yourself that I don't know what the hell I'm talking about.

Some other notes:
Please god of soccer (Pele?) don't let ManU and Chelsea play in the final. I'm tired of that so-called "rivalry" of the extremely wealthy. It's only interesting to their respective fans.

Kaka is awesome. Go look up his goals on YouTube. I think Brazil got too caught up on all the Ronaldinho hype during the World Cup and forgot that this guy is one of the top strikers in the entire world. Poor Brazil.

In other Brazilians with four letter names, if the AC Milan keeper Dida lets a couple of goals slide past him in the second leg, he might just be lynched. Eye on the ball homie.

Chelsea's coach Jose Mourinho is a self-proclaimed genius tactician, but what kind of strategy was he using in the second half Wednesday? Basically let Liverpool posses the ball, play stingy defense, then have Peter Cech crack a deep ball for Drogba 3/4 down the field. Yeah, who could have ever dreamt up that plan? Yawn.

It's fun that Arsenal is at home watching, isn't it? How's fourth place fellas?

And finally, Liverpool has got to find a way to score some goals. I honestly don't care what the lineup looks like, but Steven Gerrard was crap this week and so was Xabi Alonso.

A Memo to the White Sox:

2007-04-25T22:41:00.000-04:00

Try not sucking when I actually get to watch a game. Oh, and try not sucking when John Danks starts a game. He's gotten a whopping three runs of support in games he's started. Sure, Danks was pretty mediocre tonight, but you know something's wrong when you hand Chad Durbin his first win since 2004, only manage three hits, strikeout NINE times, and draw no walks against the guy. I'd be tempted to pass it off as Thome and Dye being absent from the lineup tonight, but it was just an awful approach at the plate from all the Sox hitters (and, strangely enough, Steve Phillips and the ESPN crew actually pointed this out, albeit gently). Sigh... there goes that opportunity for a two game sweep.

P.S. I want to root for BA, but he needs to go down to Charlotte. Soon. Because he looks awful. And he should not have been hitting with the bases loaded in the bottom of the ninth and a chance to tie it. I guess Ozzie's just letting him hang himself...

Does a Two-Game Series Victory Constitute a Sweep?

2007-04-25T18:15:00.000-04:00

It just doesn't feel right for some reason. Sure, the White Sox "swept" the Royals Monday and Tuesday, but I couldn't help but feeling that there was something dishonest about calling a two-game winning streak--against the Royals, at that--a "sweep". Somehow it just cheapens the thrill of a sweep. And I think the pitiful Royals deserve the opportunity to "salvage" a series after two losses. After all, their whole season is something akin to a salvage job--an opportunity to say, "Hey, we won one out of three! Sure, it's not a good winning percentage, but .333 might win the batting title!"

In other sweep news, the Oakland swept Baltimore in a two game series no one in Baltimore even cared about (total attendance both nights: 28,000) and the BoSox were swept (in a two-game series, natch. That's right, natch) by Toronto after sweeping the Yankees in a three game series. Even disregarding opponents, you get the sense that Boston couldn't care less about dropping two to Toronto (with the back end of their rotation, Wakefield and Tavarez) after coming from behind to beat up on New York's craptastic pitching in three straight.

Maybe it's just because two games can't constitute a streak, while if three doesn't constitute a small streak, I don't know what does. But while I'm at it, I'll just go ahead and say that I'm not a fan of 4 game series either. Call me an idiot. I don't care.

I'm just happy because my Sox are on ESPN against the Tigers tonight and I get my first look at John Danks. Time to sit back, relax, strap it down, and shun some schoolwork.

Scandal in the Heartland!

2007-04-24T09:17:00.000-04:00

I just noticed that there may be some impact on my fantasy team because Torii Hunter promised the Royals some expensive champagne if they swept the Tigers at the end of last year. I guess bribery is still not allowed in in professional sports, assuming you get caught that is. Frankly, I'm shocked by these revelations. Outraged, even! This is really only one small step away from gambling on games and I demand that Torii Hunter be given a lifetime ban from baseball. He has besmirched the very essence of the game and can no longer be trusted to compete. (Side note to Torii: Next time, just buy them each one of those "special" lap dances from your favorite gentleman's club. It's how business is done in the modern workplace.)

As a result of this besmirchment, rumors are flying around indicating that Bud Selig will be pulling George Mitchell off the steroid investigation (that one's a dead end anyway) and he will be re-tasked with policing any suspicious transactions taking place around the league. Possible investigation items include:

David Eckstein offering up his virginity to the first female to wear his jersey to a game
Jose Conseco bribing anyone who reads his book with free HGH
Barry Bonds extorting thousands of dollars of "lunch money" from teammates in what is being called the "upside down ankle holding shake-out of 2007"
George Steinbrenner enticing Roger Clemens to join the Yankees with the gift of his first born child
Jeff Weaver receiving 2006 post-season success from Satan in exchange for his soul
Kerry Wood offering anyone who strikes out on his 82 MPH fastball a jar of his tears

My Top 5 Favorite Things About Baseball Being Back

2007-04-23T22:15:00.000-04:00

5. There's always something on TV - The Reds have upped their number of games broadcast on FSN Ohio to something in the 140s, even showing a select few in HD. That means 5-6 days a week, I can put aside my MTV reality shows and watch the Reds. Mmmm. Plus, you've got your Sunday, Monday and Wednesday night games on ESPN and the occasional Braves game on TBS. Do I really care to watch the Nationals playing in Atlanta? Any sane person would surely say "no," but the truth is, I can spend a whole inning wondering about alternate spellings of Andruw. It's constant entertainment.

4. A blessed break from basketball - Not that I don't love college basketball, I do. But, after I give up hope on my teams in the tournament, I generally contemplate relocating to Florida or slipping into an alcohol induced coma until opening day. Finally on that early April day, the floodgates open and we're awash in baseball. It's like an enema. Now, I can even tolerate some NBA when I switch over between innings.

3. Joe Morgan - I know he's collectively loathed by a whole sect of baseball fans, but I really can't understand why. Sure, he wears a goofy grin and occasionally stumbles over his words, but I really do think he understands the game. And he at least attempts to add baseball analysis as opposed to your Tim McCarvers of the world. Plus, it's nice to have such an obvious Reds' homer in the national media. For some reason, he always seems exceedingly jolly. By that, I mean he's in the same mood I would be if I got paid to watch baseball every day. Can't hate a guy for that.

2. Fantasy drafts - I love fantasy baseball. But, for some reason, I'm way better at fantasy football, which I can't explain. Every year, I think I've got a draft "system" worked out and nobody will be able to crack my code. I do a few practice drafts and jot down notes. I've got a list of sleepers and "stay away" guys. We're talking about a month-long system here. My added motivation lately has been my complete lack of any ability to prevent Trout from winning. He's won at least four years running now. It's pathetic. Of course, as soon as the draft starts, I'm a complete mess and everything falls apart. It's really a delicate house of cards. This year actually went okay, and I'm ahead of Trout in the standings so far. However, what this really means is I'm so insecure about it that I spend multiple hours every day doing research. I might win this league, but I'll probably get fired in the process.

1. Bemoaning the fates of our respective teams - It's amazing how often I can say the following things (more or less):

"Man, the Reds fucking blew another one"

"Seriously, how hard is it to find a reliever who's as good at pitching as he is at spitting sunflower seeds?

"Why is that guy smiling? Don't smile, asshole, you're still losing."

"Well, at least we're better than the Cubs."

Somehow, it really doesn't get old. I can call Trout on any given night when either of our teams are losing and it's the same thing. I think it's therapeutic to bitch about something besides my real life. And, like my life, it seems to be something different every day.

Man, I love baseball.

A Sweep Squandered

2007-04-22T23:34:00.000-04:00

(Disclaimer: what follows are ramblings probably only of interest to a White Sox fan. Sorry, but that's all I've got right now.)

As much as it sucks to be one out away from a series sweep on the road and a five game winning streak, I can't say that I'm all that displeased with taking two of three from the Tigers. Yes, it's a golden opportunity lost. Yes, it may come back to bite the Sox in the ass in September. But I'm going to will myself to have a positive outlook on this season; there's enough negativity out there on the internets to go around without me chiming in.

What I take from the weekend is that the Sox are starting to win series, and winning series is what it takes to make the playoffs. You don't have to be dominant, you just have to be consistently better than the other guy. And I feel like the Sox are moving towards that, having taken 3 of the last 4 series.

So far, Kenny Williams is looking pretty decent as far as the whole McCarthy-to-Texas trade. McCarthy is 1-3 and sporting a robust 10.20 ERA after getting absolutely shelled in his last two starts (6 ER in 1 IP against the A's, 6 ER in 2 IP against the Mariners, of all teams).

Meanwhile, John Danks has looked like a passable 5th starter, and has at least made it into the 5th inning of all his starts (which is more than you can say for, oh, I dunno, Jose Contreras). Sure, he's no Rich Hill, but you know what? I have a feeling Rich Hill is no Rich Hill either. If that makes any sense. Which it should.

Anyway, add Nick Masset's great long relief performances (I'll forgive him today's loss--he still pitched 2 innings of shutout ball before the Tigers made him pay for his leadoff walk to Pudge), and Kenny is getting closer and closer to being able to tell people "I told you so."

In other retrospective trade musings, Chris Young, who, of course, can still develop into a really great centerfielder, is playing at an Erstad/BA level right now (hitting .189 with a .254 OBP), so we're not missing out on anything there. Javy Vazquez, meanwhile, is sporting a 2.50 ERA heading into his start against the Royals on Tuesday. Don't make me the fool by sucking on Tuesday, Javy.

Now if only Paulie could wake up out of his funk... maybe the Royals will be just what the doctor ordered.

With the Cubbies in the cellar and Lou Piniella on the verge of blowing up Charlie Manuel style...

2007-04-21T10:28:00.000-04:00

... it seemed like an appropriate time to dig up this little gem of a Cubs manager rant from yesteryear (Lee Elia, 1983). This year's Cubs are better than the 1983 5-14 start, but hey, if they lose their next 4, they'll be 6-14. Close enough. How long until Piniella jumps on the fanbase, I wonder? Soon, I hope. Enjoy (NSFW).

"The Reds Are Decidedly Not Terrible": Cincinnati Reds Early Season Review

2007-04-20T16:30:00.000-04:00

Last year's collapse by the Reds was a tough one. They were in first place in a decidedly mediocre Wild Card race for what seemed like two months. And then, the dreaded two-week west coast road trip came about. It started August 24th in San Fransisco and ended September 3rd in San Diego. Before that trip I remember thinking "well, if they go .500 on this trip, they'll still be in the race." Of course, they went 2-8 and came home to fresh sheets and no playoff chances. There's nothing like staying up until 1:30 am (and on a weeknight! ....gah, I'm getting old) just to watch your team choke away the season.

Did I really think the Reds had a chance to make some noise in the playoffs? No, not really. But, neither did Cards fans, either, I'd say. Do I think they have a chance this year? Actually, I do. Up until the Wednesday and Thursday games, the pitching staff had been lights-out. Of course, I should have written this post two days ago, before they squashed my argument when the bullpen blew consecutive games to the Astros. That said, the starting pitching has been tough. Bronson Arroyo has a 3.25 ERA through four starts. Sadly, I'm pretty sure he's going to have to join a support group for as well as he's been pitching to still have zero wins. Just bad luck though, really. The real story is the back end of the rotation where Kyle Lohse and Matt Belisle have left nothing to be desired. Did you see Lohse's 12 strikeout game the other night? And, against the Cubs even.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't like to worry too much about bullpens or #5 starters. Sure, it's great to have a stud closer, and you really do have to have someone to turn to at the end of the season when you need an out. But, I guess what I'm saying is that these are the sort of things that get sorted out over the course of the year with guys getting called up and sent down, or the well-timed trade. And, I think there's some talent in Louisville for the Reds. Just you wait. Some guy named Johnny Fifteenminutes will record 9 saves in September and all the problems are solved.

In a strange twist of fate, the offense was the big question mark for me coming into the season. And, there's still some issues to sort out. The bad news: David Ross has decided to do his best Jason LaRue impression with 14 K's in his 35 plate appearances. Note to Dave: Adam Dunn - Power = .121 BA. However, the good news is Josh Hamilton (aka Roy Hobbs) has come back from years of drug addiction to be one of the best players (pardon the limited sample size) I've ever seen. He's a smart, strong hitter and his swing makes Adam Dunn look like a windmill by comparison. He's got me so excited, I already pulled my annual fantasy "ill-advised Reds' player pickup." I guess there's always time for two.

Anyway, before the season started, I had the Reds at 3rd of 4th in the division. Right now I'm not ruling out anything. There's just not a really good team in the division. I know, 8-8 isn't winning the pennant, but .500 keeps you in the Wild Card race. If they get a couple of relievers from nowhere and the offense plays the way it should, they could win the division. Not that I'm predicting it or anything.

What, Oh What Could Be the Source of A-Rod's 2007 Heroics?

2007-04-19T18:03:00.000-04:00

Easy: the high socks. Coincidence? Probably, but my money's on the socks and not just A-Rod's boundless talent finally penetrating the New York malaise. That malaise is only penetrable by the sort of karma meaningless wardrobe changes can bring.

Yeah, I'm probably way behind everyone else in mentioning this. But it bears repeating that A-Rod hit his 10th homer of the season today in high socks (boy am I glad I passed him up for Ryan Howard in my fantasy league). Apparently sometimes all a guy needs to get over the bad vibes in a city is a change in his wardrobe. Look good, feel good is what I say to anyone who will listen. And boy, does A-Rod look good right now. And I say that in the least homoerotic way possible. If that's possible. Which it's probably not.

The 2006 sad, pants-down-to-the ankles, error-committing A-Rod:

The 2007 jubilant, jacked-up-pants, walk-off-homer-hitting A-Rod:

Case closed.

No. Freakin'. Hitter.

2007-04-19T01:04:00.000-04:00

First game I haven't caught at least a piece of on the radio or TV and this is what happens. Maybe I need to tune out more often.

This is the kind of thing that can set the tone for a season. Erase those first twelve games from your memory. This is now a team that can throw no-hitters, field the freaking baseball, and hit home runs with two out and the bases loaded. I couldn't be happier for Mark Buehrle. He's maybe the last guy in the rotation I'd expect; the first guy I'd like to see do it.

Javy, don't let this team come crashing back to reality tomorrow. Let's beat the headhunter and take the series at home, rolling into Detroit like the best team in the AL (maybe Garland knew something all along, eh?).

The White Sox Suck Right Now

2007-04-18T01:21:00.000-04:00

They've managed two runs in the last 3 games. They lost a game in which the pitching staff one-hit the Indians. They keep finding ways to lose. It's times like these I'm glad I can't watch the Sox on TV this year. Wait, what's that you say? It's only been three games? OK, fine. Three games doesn't warrant reaching for the panic button.

In fact, there are more than a few bright spots:
1. The bullpen has looked only slightly less than stellar--David Aardsma leads the team with 15 strikeouts. Wait... is that a bad thing?
2. John Danks has looked like a more than serviceable fifth starter. Unfortunately, he looks better than Jose Contreras has (10 walks in 12 innings).
3. Now that Pods has landed on the DL with the same old groin/adductor injury, at least Ozzie won't be able to pinch-hit him for Uribe (currently leading the team in RBIs and HRs from the seven-hole) in the last half-inning of a 2-1 loss to the Indians. And Ozzie won't be able to refuse defensively replacing Pods and his noodle-arm/comic ineptness for late-inning situations, leading to a ball bouncing off his head in left field to lose a game in the ninth (seriously). And maybe Brian Anderson will see more playing time. But probably not.
4. Iguchi is now back in the #2 spot in the order, where he should've been all along. And Erstad is leading off. Wait, you don't want someone with a .262 on-base percentage leading off? Too bad. Because that's what you've got.
5. If the Sox keep losing by more than 4 runs, I won't have to listen to Ed Farmer tell me that a homerun will tie the game or put the Sox in the lead. If you thought Hawk and DJ's announcing was asinine, at least it's entertainingly/endearingly asinine and not infuriatingly asinine. Believe me, Ed, when there's a runner on and the Sox are down by 2, I can figure out for myself that a homer will tie it. As enlightening as that observation is, I'd rather not hear it five times a game.
6. The boys have still got some (delusional?) swag. Jon Garland: "I think we have the best team in the American League, bar none."

Pennants aren't won in April, but you can sure as hell lose them. So here's hoping you stop digging that hole soon, guys.

No Beer for Failure, No Beer for Success; or, God Bless You, Mr. Vonnegut

2007-04-13T11:15:00.000-04:00

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., Indianapolis native and cantankerous humanist author, died this past Wednesday after 84 years on this planet he prophesized that we'd be "too damn cheap and lazy" to save from our own destructive behavior (from fossil fuel consumption to horribly violent wars, you name it, Vonnegut pointed out and lamented the darker side of humanity).

Sure, this is a sports blog, and the most Kurt really had to do with sports was his short stint as a writer for Sports Illustr ated way, way back. But it's also my blog, and with Gage's blessing, the only venue I've really got for rambling on about the man who meant so much to me that I sat here and cried when I heard about his death, that I'm sitting here crying now when I thought I'd gotten over it. Damn it, Kurt.

I won't waste space writing an obit that countless people have already written. There's a good one over at the New York Times, if you're interested. Dave Eggers wrote up a pithy survey of Vonnegut's published works over at Salon (which also has nice snippets on Vonnegut culled from other celebrities' published works) if that floats your boat. You should also check out one of Kurt's many interviews online; perhaps the last one before his death was conducted at the end of February and broadcast on Northeast Public Radio.

Along with Mark Twain (to whom Vonnegut is relentlessly compared), Kurt Vonnegut was--and is--easily the most influential literary presence in my own worldview and writing. So, really, FTG readers, every time you see a trout (itself an homage to Vonnegut's character Kilgore Trout) post, what you're getting, whether consciously or unconsciously, is writing that aspires to be derivative Vonnegut and Twain, mashed through a sports filter.

Although I never had the pleasure of meeting or even seeing Kurt, I still feel positively giddy to have gotten as close as I did. Nearly 8 years ago now, having just graduated from high school, I came home and saw, sitting along with the day's junk mail, a letter addressed to me with a Long Island postmark and an asterisk for a return address. Instantly it was like the universe had become unhinged. It was like when I got a Big Wheel for my birthday when I was a kid and I was convinced that the neighbor kid had forgotten and left his in our driveway; having a Big Wheel of my own was a bit too unimaginable for my mind to handle. Well, an asshole for a return address and a New York postmark meant Kurt Vonnegut. It had to. A letter from Kurt fucking Vonnegut was sitting in my parents' kitchen. From Kurt's brain to Kurt's hand to Kurt's paper to the post office to a suburban mailbox in Indiana to my parents' freaking kitchen. It was a bit too unimaginable for my mind to handle.

Of course, my mom made me wait to open it until my dad got home from work. I can't remember a potential situation of delayed gratification my parents didn't like. As it turned out, the only reason I had a letter from Kurt in the first place was due to my dad, who had sent Kurt a clipping of my last high school newspaper column--again, derivative Vonnegut, in which I had urged my readers to, among other things, read Vonnegut--and kindly asked him to write back to his son, a huge Vonnegut fan, and son of a Vonnegut fan dating from the '60s.

Not only did Kurt kindly comply with my dad's request, Kurt wrote to me thus: "I thank you for your support of my work, and congratulate you on the auspicious beginnings you yourself have made as a first rate writer. Cheers!" and signed with his standard self-portrait, Age 76 and an all-caps signature inscribed below the messy script (just in case I couldn't decipher just who, exactly, was writing me from Long Island, I guess). Talk about too unimaginable for my mind to handle.

That's as close as I ever got to Kurt, unable to catch him deliver a speech on two separate occasions, foiled first by illness and now by death. So it goes, Kurt, so it goes indeed. I suppose I should feel privileged enough to have gotten a letter from him, fortunate enough to have had the pleasure of discovering and reading his books, lucky enough to have imbibed some of his wisdom--all without feeling cheated by being denied the opportunity to genuflect in his presence. And, really, I do. Revisiting my ragged copy of Breakfast of Champions, smoking a couple Pall Malls, and drinking until I reek of mustard gas and roses will just have to do. God bless you, Mr. Vonnegut.

But as monumental as Vonnegut is in my life, his life wasn't the only thing worthy of memorializing this week (OK, it's crass to compare one baseball series to the passing of my literary hero, but there you have it. Transition made). Thanks to a free MLB Extra Innings preview, I was able to catch the two White Sox victories in Oakland (my first two opportunities to see the Sox in action this season). The Sox won a series out there for the first time in seven years despite being denied the opportunity to celebrate (or drown sorrows after game 2) with a few beers (apparently this is something that really sticks in Ozzie's craw).

I was going to write more about the series--Black Jack McDowell (of Stick Figure fame) subbing in for Hawk Harrelson and doing a great job (I later caught Hawk with Jerry Remy on the Red Sox broadcast, in town to be honored as a member of the '67 BoSox--Hawk just stroked Yaz the whole time he was in the booth), how Jose Contreras looks like he has no control, blowing game 2 on a Pods blunder coming back in game 3 on a Dye blast, the idiocy of batting Brian Anderson 2nd and Iguchi 7th when Ozzie apparently refuses to play BA in the first place because he can't hit (where do you bat a guy you only see as a bench-warming, no-hit, defensive specialist? 2nd, of course!)--but most of this was covered, and covered well, over at South Side Sox and Sox Machine. I'll just keep it short by saying that getting out of Oakland with a series victory and getting back to .500 is more than anyone could've really hoped for. And being able to watch it made it all the sweeter.

As Kurt was fond of quoting his Uncle Alex, "If this isn't nice, I don't know what is."

"Wait for What Year?": Chicago Cubs 2007 Season Preview

2007-04-09T17:00:00.000-04:00

Well, I couldn't quite bring myself to write a real Cubs season preview. Primarily, because I actually think they'll win the division and that makes me a little sick to my stomach. Instead, here's an old post that I finally finished, a running diary of watching HBO's Cubs movie. Strap in, it's a beast.

Recently, HBO aired an hour long “documentary” about the Chicago Cubs entitled “Wait For Next Year.” Apparently someone thought it would be a good idea to document the drunken naivete of an entire fan base. For the sake of the blog I sat my ass down and watched this piece of cinematic history and even took some notes. My thoughts:

0:01 We start with an image of opening day, any Cubs fan’s favorite day of the year. It’s really hard to let your favorite team break your heart before they’ve even played a game. Unless you root for the Royals, that is. Next we’re greeted by a crowd of Cubs fans who have somehow managed to be drunk out of their gourds by 10am. Surprise! Cubs fans are alcoholics! Who knew? We also meet our token 85 year old man who represents the four generations of fans who haven’t seen an championship. Didn’t see that one coming. By the way, our narrator for the evening, Dennis Franz. He will fuck you up, then show you his ass.

0:05 Quick recap of the early Cubs days, Bill Veeck, the ivy and the four World Series the franchise lost in the 20s and the 30s. Frankly, this whole history is a lot more information than I would have ever wanted to know. My favorite tidbit, however: Hack Wilson hit 56 HR in 1930. Jesus, that’s a lot of homers for a guy who came to work hungover five days a week. My research also shows that there were no steroids available in 1930. Just booze, loose women and mescaline (unconfirmed).

0:10 Back to opening day. Jeff Garlin (who despite being a Cubs fan tempers my scorn by being great on CYE) is headed to the game looking ready to eat his body weight in chi-dogs. Don’t put ketchup on those or they will castrate you, just a heads-up. Garlin gives us a quick summary of the story behind the curse of the goat. He loses points just for knowing the whole story. Then we’re on to Jack “The Original Drunkard Announcer” Brickhouse whose “hey hey!” home run call might just be even less creative than Chris Berman’s “back back back, gone!”

0:12 Just learned that P.K. Wrigley decided to go with a rotating 8-man coaching staff of managers in 1961. I'd like to see someone run this idea past Lou Pinella. As it turns out, that same year they brought in a former Army colonel with no baseball experience to be the “Athletic Director.” Banner year for incompetent management.

0:15 The brilliant moves continue in June of 1964, as the Cubs trade away Lou Brock for Ernie Broglio. What ever happened to that Brock Guy anyway? Broglio had ERAs over 6.00 in both 1965 and 1966, and then retired. Totally worth it.

0:18 And we’re back to modern day. We’re lucky enough to meet a delusional cardiologist who’s ponied up a few thousand dollars to go pretend to relive some glory days that he never had. Well, at least it’s warm in Florida. Now, we’re back to talking about opening day. I’m picking up on a theme.

0:22 Strangely, things are looking up. It turns out the ’69 team had an 8 game lead over the Cardinals and everything was rosy. The bleacher bums were drunker than ever, people were inexplicably wearing hardhats and some dude insisted on playing a bugle. Not sure what that’s about.

0:25 Annnnd… heartbreak. The Cubs blow big series with the Mets (3rd place in the NL) and get absolutely shut down by Tom Seaver in the process. Plus, this series gave the psychotic fanbase one more thing to obsess over as a black cat gets released onto the field at Shea Stadium. Oooga booga! We get interviews of fans still discussing this cat. Seriously? Meanwhile, the Cubs predictably blow said lead and miss the playoffs. Fans are too busy discussing the fate of a stupid cat to notice.

0:28 Quotes including “I hate the Mets”, “They will never be forgiven” and “sour grapes” are thrown around by our interviewees. Is this where I'm supposed to remind everyone "it’s only a game"?

0:32 Right on time: the predictable lovefest for Harry Caray. I guess I get that he became synonymous with the team and all that. But really, do we need to canonize an old drunk who couldn't even stay sober on the job? There's even a statue. If he weren't the Cubs announcer I'm fairly sure he fit right in as town drunk of Anytown, USA.

0:39 Note to self: Bryant Gumbel is killing me with his melodramatic bullshit. Sweet jesus. If he cries on camera, I'm out. He brings up how the Cubs went up two games to none in the 1984 NLCS against the Padres. They lose game three, blow game four thanks to a 9th inning walk-off dinger by Steve Garvey and choke away a lead in game five flushing away all World Series hopes. For the record: some Cubs fans still hate the Padres. I know I always get geeked up for that fierce Chicago/San Diego rivalry.

0:43 It's time for some group fellatio as we gather at the feet of Ron Santo. Come on, there's room for everybody! I don't have much to say about Santo. It's usually confined to jokes about the handicapped, and those hardly seem appropriate in this forum (that's right, oral sex = acceptable, handicapped = won't go there). Anyway, it is cool (despite questionable inspiration) that this Bill Holden guy walked across the country to raise money for diabetes.

0:47 Uh oh, we've come to the time in the program to discuss the 2003 playoffs, possibly the single period of time that most cemented my Cubs scorn. We meet a film maker who cashed in his entire savings to make a documentary about the 2003 season. We also get our first Sammy Sosa sighting. No footage of him taking anabolic steroids. Apparently, the bitterness has not worn off for any of our commenters. There is shit talking about the Marlins in general and Jack McKeon specifically. Nice, guys. Go after an old man.

There's a lot to talk about this series from the very presence of Paul Bako to the whole Bartman thing and Moises Alou's complete meltdown. Call me crazy, but blowing up like a madman while you're still winning the game doesn't seem like the best strategy.

0:55 Finally, the real reason the Marlins won: Alex Gonzalez (the shitty one) boots a ball at shortstop and Derrek Lee doubles in a run (small hint of irony there) and the Cubs lose. Of course, this was only game six, but in game seven Kerry Wood completely imploded (sound familiar?) and the Marlins cruise. Next, we learn that the kid making the movie's entire deal was contingent upon the Cubs making the World Series. Wow, talk about a punch in the gut. I almost feel bad.

0:58 In our closing montage we learn that people "still have faith" and are just "happy to be alive." Not sure how this relates to any talk of curses and harbored feelings of scorn for particular teams and players, but whatever. Credits roll. Special thanks to Dennis Franz for leading me on this journey. And, cut. Cubs fans, you can return to drinking yourself into a coma.

"Can We Tell You About Freddy Sanchez Again?": 2007 Pittsburgh Pirates Season Preview

2007-04-08T15:30:00.000-04:00

I really don't remember the Pirates ever being good. Apparently, though, they actually were good once upon a time. They actually won the NL East three straight years, 1990-1992. Coincidentally (or not), 1993 was the first year Barry Bonds played out on the west coast. Since then, the Pirates have been perennial bottom dwellers of the now NL Central, finishing in second place only once, while finishing in the bottom two teams a whopping seven times. Well, at least they have the Steelers. My own personal enmity with playing the Pirates manifests itself mostly in the guise of George Grande. For those of you not regular FSN Ohio viewers, Grande insists not only on saying ridiculous bullshit, and then repeating it over and over. When the Reds play the Pirates, Grande repeatedly refers to them as the "Buck-O's". Get it? Pirates -> Buccaneers -> Bucks -> Buck-O's (cue sarcastic laugh). It's as if he refuses to even say the actual team name, or he is convinced that he is utterly hilarious. This is infuriating to me and makes me dread Pittsburgh games.

I'm actually watching the Reds/Buck-O's game as I type this and trying to feel some empathy for everyone in the sub-freezing temperatures. It sucks out there. I was there Wednesday night and it was fucking snowing. The Pirates aren't really instilling any confidence in me. I don't get this lineup. Is anybody supposed to drive in runs? I like Jason Bay despite his looking like a 12 year old, but I'm not completely sold on Freddy Sanchez. Sure he won the batting title last year, hitting .344, but his OBP was only .378 and he only walked 31 times and only stole 3 bases. Not exactly your prototypical leadoff hitter*. As a point of reference, Adam Dunn hit only .264 last year but his OBP was .365 and he did have those 40 HR to soften the blow.

With all due respec to Zach Duke, the pitching staff is crummy too. I don't have the energy to go into why, I think you know why. They don't have good players. Get over it. So, without anything more to say about this team, I'm picking them to finish last in the division in 2007.

*This thought was inspired by Chris Welsch on the FSN broadcast, who is far less loathesome than George Grande

"Hey, Did You Hear We Won The World Series?": 2007 St. Louis Cardinals Cardinals Season Preview

2007-04-08T11:30:00.000-04:00

Oh Dear God! The Cardinals started the season 0-3. Bring out the brooms, I'm calling for the season oh-fer. I'm pretty sure 162 consecutive losses would be a record for a team coming off a World Championship. Remember, you heard it here first..... What's that? The Cards have already won a game since getting swept to open the series? Well shit, there goes my whole post. (Okay, Gage, think for a minute how to spin this.... annnnd I've got it). Exactly. This just proves my point. It's still early in the season to get upset over one game or one series, and thus not too late for a season preview. It's only too late for me to predict zero-game winners, and of course I would never do that.

That paragraph sucks. Sorry. Moving on...

I have a hard time mustering up emotions towards the Cardinals. I know they're good and they constantly beat up on the Reds, but I don't hate them. Pujols is the best player in the league, but doesn't seem like an asshole. I've never even heard a Chris Carpenter quote. Plus, I've got this whole "enemy's enemy is my friend" complex in reference to the Cubs. Apparently the two teams are hated rivals. There's no reported evidence of Cards on Cubs fan violence, or vice versa, but I'll take their words for it. What I do know is that I personally hate the Cubs (and by extension their fan base in general) so I always appreciate when the Cardinals demoralize them.

But, I just don't know what kind of job they'll do this year at that one. The year after winning a World Series is always an awkward one. Just ask the 2006 White Sox. They lost Jason Marquis, Jeff Suppan and Jeff Weaver (who admittedly shouldn't even be on on a MLB roster). Those first two guys combined for 26 wins last year. That's a lot to give up. Interestingly, they both went to NL Central teams. If either has a big year it could really come back to bite St. Louis on the ass. But, I guess the bigger question is: who's left? Well, besides Carpenter there's Kip Wells, who I think is better than his reputation. I mean, he's not terrible but nobody seems to want him very badly. Not sure he's a #2 though. Behind him I see some cause for concern.
Both Adam Wainwright and Braden Looper just got their first career starts. Looper is a career reliever with a career 103 saves (and one glorious blown save on opening day 2005 in the 'Nati). When was the last time you heard about a reliever successfully moving to starter late in a career? Nobody comes to my mind.

So, Chris Carpenter and his merry band of rejects are hoping that the lineup can score some runs. But, where is it going to come from? Pujols, of course. And, Rolen probably. This is where I'd like to claim that you can't win with Adam Kennedy and David Eckstein up the middle but of course that would be silly (see Anaheim). But, really there's not much here to work with. When it comes down to it, this team doesn't have enough studs to get over the hump again. I'm saying they finish 3rd in the division.

You see, it would be this mat that you would put on the floor...

2007-04-07T19:22:00.000-04:00

and would have different CONCLUSIONS written on it that you could JUMP TO." Obviously, Jay Mariotti has been taking notes from Office Space numbnut Tom Smykowski. As much as I hate to validate anything that spews forth from the Sun-Times resi dent Heiney bird and ghhhhhh...how I hate this show... Around the Horn talking head (because we all know it's just the attention he craves), the sheer idiocy of his most recent Sox-bashing column is pretty difficult to ignore.

Now, Boise Wants Jay does a better and more consistent job of bashing Jay than I could ever or would want to do, and even Deadspin does a pretty admirable job of following his idiocy. And while Jay the Joke essentially beat me to the punch on this one, I'd like to expand a little bit more on precisely how nonsensical this sky-is-falling numbnuttery really is.

Says Mariotti, "Well, swallow this: The starting rotation stinks. I can say that smirkily after watching a raggedy Jose Contreras [...] I can say that snarkily after watching a wild Jon Garland." I suppose at least Mariotti has a semblance of a grasp on the one register in which he writes columns--smirk and snark. But that's about all he has a firm grasp on.

He goes on to say "I realize these are only two games," but it's not clear that he really does. I guess now that the Sox are 2-2 following good performances from Nick Masset and Javy Vazquez, we can expect a bold Mariotti column prognosticating a .500 finish, calling for Masset to replace Contreras in the rotation, and begging Kenny to throw more money at Vazquez so the Sox can lock him up beyond his current 3-year contract.

But that's not even the most baffling element of the column. Mariotti seems to indicate that the White Sox (his ire is directed at Ozzie, Kenny, and Jerry) run the club in a egotistical, spendthrift fashion--not spending enough on the open market and not getting enough in return for trades. Nevermind Freddy Garcia's arm is ready to fall off. No matter that the talent in return for McCarthy is already starting to pay off. Nevermind the fact that there was no talent on the market better, for the price, than what the Sox already had in house.

I guess he missed the memo that the South Siders have the 5th highest payroll in baseball, nearly $10 million more than even the Soriano/Lilly/Marquis buying Cubs (oh, that's right, he doesn't bother to do any research). Despite the high payroll, I guess the Sox really should have gone out and spent money on guys like Gil Meche and Ted Lilly this offseason--they won their first starts, after all. Check back at the All-Star break, Jay, and we'll see how the Sox rotation stacks up against these chumps.

It's really a wonder to me that Mariotti is still employed by the Sun-Times, particularly considering the legions of sports bloggers out there who regularly write more informed, thoughtful, and well-written posts than virtually any Mariotti column. Sure, controversy sells... to a point. But doesn't it seem like there should be some sort of law of diminishing returns here? Maybe that just makes me some sort of naive idealist, but how many people must Mariotti make want to go all Office Space copier on his ass before the Sun-Times realizes that this guy doesn't incite rage because he writes anything worthwhile? Rather, he's proven consistently that he's merely a petulant, juvenile, ignorant, self-absorbed little man with a penchant for writing and reasoning on a sixth grade level. Ladies and gentlemen, the face of the Chicago Sun-Times sports section!

I'll let Jay himself close out this post, because, well, he's better at making himself look stupid than I am, as he's clearly and delightfully unfamiliar with the concept of "the pot calling the kettle black." The coup de grace, boys and girls: "It might help if Ozzie, Kenny and Jerry would just shut up. All these people do is yap, and by comparison, the women on 'The View' are pleasing to the ears." Yeah, Jay, riiiiight...

*thanks to reader Dave for the heads-up on this one

Baseball is not a 30-degree game

2007-04-06T20:47:00.000-04:00

I'm sure there have been columns aplenty written about this year after year after year (I think I remember a Bring the Crazy, nee Planet Killer, post about this awhile ago), but I'm going to write about how stupid it is for baseball to play games in 30 degree weather to start the season.

Let me just say to start that I'm all for cutting the regular season to 150 games--or even shorter. I'm just skeptical that MLB and Bud Selig, in his infinite wisdom, are even entertaining the idea of giving up the revenue from those 12+ games. So what are our other options? The best one, it seems to me, is to force cold weather teams on the road for the first week and a half of the season.

Today the White Sox-Twins game was postponed due to cold weather. Why weren't they playing in Minnesota's cozy Hefty-bag dome? The Indians-Mariners game was postponed due to snow (Update: this is even more ridiculous when you consider what happened in this game, called in the 5th inning). Why weren't they playing in Seattle, where the weather is milder and there's a partially retractable roof? Yesterday, the Tigers-Blue Jays game was postponed due to cold weather. Why weren't they playing up in Toronto's dome? And that's not even counting games that were played despite the brutally cold weather in Philadelphia and New York. Because it's not really just about the postponements; the games actually played in inclement weather are almost worse. Pitchers can't grip the ball, hitters can't feel their bats, fielders can't feel their hands, and the fans are miserable. It's just not the way baseball should be played.

Breaking the teams in each league down geographically, it's nearly mind boggling why this continues to be a problem. To wit:

Warm weather/ domed/roofed AL teams (7)-LA Angels, Oakland A's, Seattle Mariners, Texas Rangers, Minnesota Twins, Toronto Blue Jays, Tampa Bay Devil Rays
Cold weather/ open air AL teams (7)-Baltimore Orioles, Boston Red Sox, New York Yankees, Chicago White Sox, Cleveland Indians, Detroit Tigers, Kansas City Royals

Warm weather/ domed/roofed NL teams (8)-Atlanta Braves, Florida Marlins, Houston Astros, Milwaukee Brewers, Arizona Diamondbacks, LA Dodgers, San Diego Padres, San Francisco Giants
Cold weather/ open air NL teams (8)-New York Mets, Philadelphia Phillies, Washington Nationals, Chicago Cubs, Cincinnati Reds, Pittsburgh Pirates, St. Louis Cardinals, Colorado Rockies

Yeah, a lot of teams from the East and Central would have to open on the road in the West. Yeah, Seattle won't necessarily be warmer than Baltimore or San Fran warmer than Washington, D.C. But when you see games, as you have this week, with the Twins visiting the White Sox, the DRays visiting the Yankees, and the Mariners visiting the Indians, it just makes so little sense to have those games in the colder cities. Stadium snowglobes should be more novelty than reality.

No, this doesn't have to be a hard and fast rule. You wouldn't want the White Sox to open on the road in perpetuity. God forbid the almighty Yankees have to open in Tampa. And you wouldn't want to see Cincinnati's precious parade tradition be ended. But maybe the cold weather teams should open at home only once every 3 or 4 years--and then promptly head out West after a quick 2 or 3 game set. I don't really know. But I do know that I don't want to see Ozzie Guillen wearing a sock hat over his baseball cap. Because that's just dumb.

"Ben Sheets is Finally Really Good, Maybe": Milwaukee Brewers 2007 Season Preview

2007-04-04T15:30:00.000-04:00

One game does not an ace make, but apparently Ben Sheets is the shit. Assuming this is true, if he can pitch like he did in 2002, he might just win 17 to 20 games. This bodes well for all those folks who made the Brewers the en vogue pick to win the division this year. This got me thinking: "why?" Deep, I know. Well, the first thing that jumps out at me from their depth chart is a certain degree of veteran depth all over the field. If, say, Rickie Weeks or Corey Hart doesn't pan out you've got Craig Counsell, Kevin Mench and Laynce Nix on the bench. Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking to win a world series with Those three guys as my anchors, but they are certainly good hole-pluggers in a loooong baseball season. Of course, I can't help but notice that the starters on this team aren't really going to blow any wind up your skirt (assuming you want wind blown up your skirt). Bill Hall did hit 35 HR last year, but they traded away Carlos Lee and now don't appear to have anybody in the everyday lineup who can even sniff hitting .300. Doesn't every team need at least one guy who gets on base regularly? Maybe Rickie Weeks keeps getting hits .300 and scores 100 runs, and maybe Prince Fielder and Bill Hall both break the 30 HR barrier, but I'm not sure how confident I am that any of those things happen. That said, far be it for me to criticize this young talent. They should certainly be fun to watch.

Heading to the mound is a slightly different story. Sheets is nasty, but has shown to be injury prone the past two years. Chris Capuano is basically a just-above-average type pitcher. And, of course there's Jeff Suppan who parlayed a World Series victory into a $42 million contract for a career 4.61 ERA pitcher. Congratulations, Jeff, you just hit the lottery. Which raises a big question for a few teams this year: what do you expect out of your wildly overpriced aging free-agent pitcher? It's a total crapshoot when you look at guys like Suppan, Gil Meche, Ted Lilly and Jason Schmidt. However, resting on their laurels, trying not to get hurt and coasting through the season appears like the most likely option. Maybe I'm wrong, but it seemed like every one of these contracts made most baseball fans who are paying attention look like they just sucked the juice out of a lemon. I hope I'm wrong, because there's nothing more disheartening than seeing a highly-paid athlete taking plays/games/seasons off. But, what Suppan brings to the table remains to be seen. Maybe we'll get some indication tonight in his first start.

This Brewers team is full of questions with a young lineup and a pitching staff that could really go any number of ways. I think this is why people are picking them so often. Every writer wants to be the guy who says "See? I knew Bill Hall would hit 40 homers this year. I'm a genius and you're an idiot." Thus, I'm not picking them. I'm going to say that they'll stay in the Wild Card chase until the last week of the season but eventually fall short of the playoffs. Still, lots of hope for the future with this team.

"Tell Roger We'll Pay Him Whatever He Wants": 2007 Houston Astronomicals Season Preview

2007-04-03T22:30:00.000-04:00

As I write this, Houston is playing Pittsburgh in their second game of the season. What that means is that I'm running dreadfully late on my season previews. Fortunately for all concerned, it really doesn't matter. I do have the advantage of telling you that apparently Brad Lidge still sucks and blows saves. Okay, maybe he doesn't completely suck, but you have to think the Astros' fans hold their collective breath whenever he comes into the game. Of course the Astros are far from the only team in the league with what I'm going to call the "Armando Benitez Effect" (n) - a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach when your favorite team's closer du jour enters the game and you just know he's due to melt down at any moment. Other players inducing this ailment include: David Weathers, Ryan Dempster, Fransisco Cordero, Jason Isringhausen and Huston Street. If you like, take a gander at last year's blown save leaders. The weird thing about this discussion is that I don't necessarily think you NEED a good closer to win. Last year the Cardinals only got one save in the World Series and that came from Adam Wainright who has three regular-season saves in his entire career! The White Sox had Bobby Jenks in '05 who came out of nowhere and the Red Sox revived Keith Foulke for one solid season the year before.

As for the rest of the 'Stros, I just can't see how their management expects them to be any better than last year when they just barely finished above even-money at 82-80. You have to love Berkman and Carlos Lee, but Adam Everett and Morgan Ensburg hit a whopping .239 and .235 last season, respectively. Roy Oswalt could potentially win the Cy Young, but there's no real number two unless you're getting fired up about 40 year old Woody Williams. What this all points to is another July run at winning the Roger Clemens lottery. But, he keeps getting older and the Astros are going to have to be in the hunt when Rocket season rolls around. They better not get off to a slow start or this season could turn into the Hunt for Red October before they know it.

None of this is to take away from my favorite thing all-time about the Astros, the retro uniforms. I can still remember somehow lucking into lower-deck (ahhh the "blue seats" in Riverfront) Reds/Astros tickets as a kid while they were still wearing this ridiculous garb. You have to think they're due a good 5-10 wins on MLB throwback days every year just by distracting their opponents. Of course, I have no proof of this. Somebody put the Hardball Times on this one.

At the end of the year with this team, I think it comes down to what I said earlier. They just aren't any better. What about this team makes you think they will win more games than they did before? Yes, the NL Central is weak, but it was last year too. These guys will tease you occasionally, but end up middle of the pack in the division this year. And I'm not just saying that because they're 0-1.

7 Things trout Learned After One Day of Baseball

2007-04-03T18:53:00.000-04:00

1. Mark Buehrle has the power to severely fuck over anyone who crosses him. You want to break his streak of five straight Opening Day starts? Fine. Go ahead. But you'll embarrass yourself to the tune of 7 earned runs in one inning.

2. This may be the year for promising pitchers to finally realize their promise. Tittle500 had to be please to see his boy Ben Sheets, who's threatened to be a fantasy star since 2001 but only turned in one dominating season (2004), pitch lights out. Similarly, King Felix, who was disappointing last year, is on pace for roughly 350 strikeouts this year. Just hand the Mariners the Divisional title already, and crown me King of the Prognosticators.

3. Gil Meche is better than Curt Schilling. This means that Mr. Meche deserves about a $2.5 million raise. Pay up, Royals.

4. Baltimore and Tampa Bay continue to find ways to lose. It's gonna be a heated battle for the cellar this year.

5. Adam Dunn is "country strong." Whatever that means. Carlos Zambrano may be simultaneously underrated and overrated. Whatever that means.

6. My disdain for Joe Morgan has softened. Am I going soft in my old age?

7. I'd rather watch the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim play the Texas Rangers than the Ohio State Buckeyes play the Florida Gators.

One Half-Inning and My Cautious Optimism Is Gone.

2007-04-02T14:08:00.000-04:00

I hate you and all your Indian friends, Grady Sizemore. And while I'm griping, I'm kinda pissed Mark Buehrle isn't starting today. Damn you, Contreras. Letting the Indians bat around and put a 5 spot on the board is not the way to start 2007. Dammit Dammit Dammit.

"Was 2005 a Fluke? The Pundits Seem to Think So": Chicago White Sox 2007 Season Preview

2007-04-02T01:00:00.000-04:00

Well I don't. None of the ESPN.com prognosticators have the ChiSox finishing above 3rd in the division. The PECOTA projection for the ChiSox has them finishing with 72 wins, 9 games below .500. Everyone in the blogger world is squawking about the idiocy of having Podsednik and Erstad at the top of the lineup. Seemingly it's all gloom and doom on the South Side. Well, fuck that.

I'm choosing to be cautiously optimistic this year. Maybe that'll work out better than the unbridled optimism I had last year. Yes, Podsednik kinda sucked last year, both in left and at the plate. But I tend to agree with Foul Balls' guarded optimism on the Podsednik front; really all I want from him is to be smarter about stealing bases and not look lost in left field. I think this is certainly doable. He doesn't have to be Jose Reyes at the plate for the Sox to win, he just needs to get his head right.

No, I don't agree with starting Erstad instead of Brian Anderson in center, either from a defensive or offensive perspective. I think BA was unjustly relegated to Ozzie's doghouse, and it's continued on into this season. But I think Erstad will be a passable defender. I just hope he doesn't sabotage this team because he's still pissed that AJ gamed the umpires in the 2005 ALCS (remember that, B.O.B.? What a freaking game...)

Besides, offense is not where this team needs to worry. I'm not saying the 2007 squad will equal the production of last year's team, but the production will be there: Thome, Konerko, Dye, Crede, and the rest of the crew will produce runs no matter if Pods and Erstad sport OBPs in the .330 range. The World Series champs scored 127 less runs and won 9 more games than the 2006 playoff-less vintage.

The problem is that the 2006 pitching staff gave up 149 more runs than the 2005 staff. Garland's ERA jumped a full run from 3.50 to 4.51. Contreras's jumped from 3.61 to 4.27. Worst of all by far, Buehrle's jumped from 3.12 to an astronomical 4.99. I don't have to tell you that this year is Buehrle's walk year and his affinity for the Cardinals has been swirling around the rumor mill for years now. Now, I don't put a whole lot of stock in guys putting up career years in their contract years (although it'd be nice, considering Jermaine Dye is in his walk year too), but I do put some stock in a career 3.83 ERA pitcher being able to post an ERA a hell of a lot closer to 4. I haven't seen him pitch this Spring, but the pessimists over at SSS see some reason for optimism. And if Garland and Contreras can pull their heads out of their asses and do the same, the Sox are in business even if Vazquez and Danks post mediocre 4.50-5 ERAs. Do your magic, Coop.

I'm not saying a return to the Series is in store, but I do think the Sox are flying under the radar again this year. Which is right where they were in 2005. They've certainly got enough talent to put together a playoff run in a division which, I think, is a bit weaker than people admit anymore. I'm gonna miss watching this 95-win, playoff-bound club with Hawk and DJ this year... after thirteen years of getting to see this team everyday, it's just not going to be the same following them from RedSoxNationLand.

"Remember How Josh Beckett Used to be Good?": Boston Red Sox 2007 Season Preview

2007-04-01T14:40:00.000-04:00

Yup, it was way back in 2005 when he wore that Marlins uniform. As much as people have been talking about Matsuzaka's US debut and the effects of Papelbon's move back into the pen, I think the key to this pitching staff may be Beckett. On a staff with an aging Schilling, a rookie Matsuzaka, a knuckleballer Wakefield, and a converted reliever Tavarez, I think Beckett needs to go out and give the Sox 20-25 quality starts and a sub-4.50 ERA this year to anchor the rotation.

Will he bounce back from a 2006 ERA north of 5? Is he a casualty of moving from the NL East to the AL East? Did he choke in the Boston sports pressure cooker? His strikeouts were down, his walks were up, and he gave up a ton of homers (he gave up 36 bombs last year, second only in baseball to Carlos Silva's 38--I think it's safe to say the Sox thought they were getting a pitcher slightly better than Carlos Silva from the Marlins). Someone probably knows what was wrong with Beckett, but I don't. Even though I live in Boston, I've kept my head in the sand when it comes to Red Sox coverage.

The bullpen looks a little suspect leading up to Papelbon, and as much as it sounds weird to say, I think the lineup will really benefit from having J.D. Drew in there (not a good deal for the money, maybe, but a good move in terms of offensive production on a fairly weak lineup outside Manny and Papi). I could write more about Manny's and Papi's man-love, the error-prone middle infield, and the wildcards that are Mike Lowell and Coco Crisp, but screw it. Like I said, I think Beckett is the key to this team. He pitches like he's capable of, then the Sox take the division; he sputters, you could see another third place finish.

Besides, this baseball preview thing is limping to a close, and really I'm just excited to watch baseball rather than write about it right now. It's time for the Cardinals to embark on another 83 win World Championship--sit back, relax, and strap it down. Short and sweet ChiSox preview tomorrow, folks.

"Like Mike Tyson, Gary Sheffield Will Eat Your Children if He Has To": Detroit Tigers 2007 Season Preview

2007-03-31T14:00:00.000-04:00

I'll give you one simple reason the Tigers are the team to beat in the AL Central and very possibly the whole AL this year: Gary Sheffield. This is a team that made it to the World Series last year, and only improved in the off-season, adding a guy who is so hellbent on proving something to the Yankees, baseball GMs, his mom, you name it, that I wouldn't be surprised if he hits 40 homers and drives in 120. I don't care that he's 38 and coming off a drastically injury-shortened season. Adding Sheffield to a lineup that was already formidable and to a team with a young pitching staff which only seems to be getting better makes for a scary, scary opponent. Kudos to you, Dave Dombrowski. I hate you and your resurgent Tigers.

Here's the deal: everyone and their brother is predicting a drop-off for the 2007 Tigers, pointing mainly to their mediocre second-half record last year and the inevitability of a regression to the mean for the pitching staff. I don't buy either one.

First of all, teams regularly put together wildly disparate first and second half splits. It may just be because I haven't looked hard enough (read: I haven't looked at all), but I haven't seen anything that proves to me that a bad second half one year translates into a bad year the next year. Maybe it's just the skeptic in me, but I doubt there's a significant correlation.

Second, just because the White Sox experienced a pitching staff regression from 2005 to 2006 doesn't mean it's going to happen for the Tigers. People will keep squawking about Kenny Rogers' age, Verlander's injury risk, and all that other junk, but guess what? Every pitching staff has holes, even the ones that look invincible (see also: 2006 White Sox). Sure, Kenny Rogers out until July with blood clots will test the starting rotation, but a playoff-experienced Bonderman is poised for a breakout year, and I think the Tigers staff (if Rogers can come back healthy and effective) can match up favorably with any staff in the majors.

That said, if the Tigers have problems, it'll be with pitching. They are shaping up an awful lot like the 2006 White Sox--coming out of the gate guns-a-blazin' only to finish the regular season the year before, improvement on offense through the addition of a big name slugger (Thome, Sheffield), a pitching staff prone to regression--which is not necessarily a good thing for Tigers fans.

Bottom line is this, though: the Tigers got better with the addition of Sheffield while no other team in the Central made moves to significantly improve. That fact alone should allow Leyland's squad to contend for the division and head to the playoffs for the second straight year. Heady times in Motown indeed. Forget about the Indians (they still haven't sold me--potential doesn't equate to playoffs) and Twins (they're really gonna miss Liriano and Radke), I'm worried about the Tigers.

"We Just Invested $50 Million in Gary Matthews, Jr. What of it?":Los Angeles Angels 2007 Season Preview

2007-03-30T16:55:00.000-04:00

Whew. It's a sprint to the finish here as I close out the previews of the AL West with all of 4 days remaining until Opening Day. Come hell or high water, that killer White Sox post is going up April 2.

And come hell or high water, Gary Matthews, Jr. is going to deny that he ever used performance-enhancing drugs. I'm not saying he did or he didn't--in fact, if I had to guess, I'd say he didn't. Hell, if he did, I'd hope he'd put up bigger numbers than he did in his so-called "career year": 19 homers, 79 RBI, and a .313 average. This from a guy who, over 8 major league seasons, is a career .263 hitter with a total of 78 homers and 315 RBIs. To put that in some perspective, Pujols or Ortiz match those numbers in roughly 2 years. Yeah, Matthews plays a good defensive centerfield too, but good defense on a 32-year-old journeyman do not a 5-year, $50 million contract make. Or at least it shouldn't. While Angels fans groan at Matthews' 2007 line of 15 homers, 70 RBI, and a .280 average, they can at least take solace in their other big offseason acquisition, Shea Hillenbrand, who's happy to be in LA. Or not. Ugh. At least one person is happy to have Shea in LA.

Switching gears to the pitching staff, John Lackey is better than I imagined him to be. I guess I'm as guilty as the next guy of ignoring the West Coast. The rest of the staff isn't too shabby either, with Ervin Santana (who is poised for a breakout year--take note, fantasy team owners), Jered Weaver (I see a sophomore slump coming), and he of the tagging-with-the-empty glove Kelvim Escobar (thanks, Kelvim! White Sox fans everywhere send their love).

I'm not even going to say much about Bartolo Colon, because he is done. Cooked (insert fat joke here). If they're smart, the Angels won't count on him for anything besides eating more than his share of the spread in the clubhouse (hey, look, I did make a fat joke about Bartolo Colon! Too fun to resist. I'm so original.) If the rotation can get it to Speier, Shields, and K-Rod, the Angels will win a lot of games. Too bad I already picked the Mariners to win the West. That was probably really dumb. Oh well.

But other than Matthews and Hillenbrand, what else is going on in the Angels' lineup? Well, Garret Anderson is 34, but he might as well be 44 as brittle as he's been the past few years. I always kinda liked Anderson, but his best years are way, way behind him. Casey Kotchman and Howie Kendrick could have breakout years, but that's asking a lot.

Vladi will post his standard year, hitting his 30 homers, driving in 110, and batting over .300, but I'll just never look at Vladi the same after he choked against the ChiSox in the 2005 playoffs.
Vladi looked absolutely lost at the plate in that series. Even if the Angels manage to weasel their way into the playoffs, I just don't foresee them going to the Series--not when you've got the Yanks, Red Sox, White Sox, and Tigers to contend with. Sorry, Tom Verducci. It ain't gonna happen, not even with help from the rally monkey, which, really, should be retired already, right? That damn monkey is tied with the thunder sticks, right behind the tomohawk chop, as the most obnoxious crowd activity in baseball. End it already. We need to see more of Clutch and Scoop, mascots whose names remind us how Vladi rearranges his testicles before hacking at a pitch. Ahh, Clutch and Scoop...

A Magical Night With Minnie Minoso

2007-03-29T23:40:00.001-04:00

I recently asked one of our best friends, frequent commenter and college roommate,the Notorious B.O.B. to write a post for us if he ever had anything to say. Bob claims to be a White Sox fan, yet recently moved to Wrigleyville. He's also got a long list of great stories. For example, this one:

The other night, two of my friends who live on the Southside - one right across from U.S. Comiskular - had to pick up some Blackhawks tickets in Wrigleyville that they bought on EBAY, so I met up with them for a drink. One of the guys, Chris, was on crutches so we went to the closest bar to where he parked. Unfortunately, this turned out to be Sluggers on Clark St. And so the story begins...

It's a Wednesday night so there are maybe 20 people in the bar and one of them is the eternally annoying Ronnie Woo-Woo. I only mention this because the whole night had a weird feel, and running into Mr. Woo-Woo only contributed to that feeling. After a beer or ten I notice this wrinkly old man come stumbling in and walk over to the closed down kitchen and make himself a sandwich. After we mention that we are all Sox fans the bartender informs us that the old guy is former White Sox Hall-of-Famer Minnie Minoso.

After finishing his sandwich, he came up to the bar and started talking to my two friends and I in his crazy broken English about God knows what and I couldn't help but ask myself "Why is Minnie Minoso at Sluggers in Wrigleyville...on a Wednesday night...making a sandwich for himself...and talking to me at the bar?"

Turns out Minnie lives down the street and knows the owner, which explains the sandwich thing, I guess. But the best part about the evening is that Minnie Minoso won't stop talking. He's got opinions on everything involving baseball. A few highlights from roughly two hours of conversation:

- Minnie Minoso feels none of the current records (HRs mostly) should count because they play more games in a season now a days. He says even Maris' record of 61 in a season shouldn't count. Which he kept referring to Maris as Mantle, but I knew what he meant.

- He then completely contradicted this stance by saying he was a better player than Jackie Robinson and Luis Apricio because he had better stats in every category except HRs and AVG. Of course, Minnie played like 45 seasons so that would probably explain why.

- He was still upset about Ozzie Smith making the all star game one year when he had a .190 avg at the break. I have no idea how this came up.

- He is really upset that Major League teams don't "call-up" their Triple-A managers when there is a vacancy at the Major League level for manager instead of hiring some other teams bench coach. I think he may have managed in the minors because he went on and on about this. Basically, he's saying that there's no motivation for the managers in the minors because they make less than the players and have no way to move up to the bigs. He made some good points but I just don't know if I'm ready for Razor Shines to take over when Ozzie leaves. He kept bringing up how the Dodgers only had 3 managers over a 60 year period (which ended with Lasorda). Not sure how that point was relevant but Minnie was kinda hard to follow. I mean, the guy is like 80 years old.

- He mentioned something I didn't realize and have never heard brought up before. He was talking about how he had a few seasons where he stole over 100 bases and then he explained that back when he played the rules for a pick-off move/balk were different and it was almost impossible to pick guys off. He also gets really pissed when he sees a guy steal third with less than two outs. I can't say I've seen it happen that often because it is pretty stupid but he accused Rickey Henderson of doing it a lot. I'll have to take his word on that but it wouldn't surprise me. Rickey is Rickey.

- He told a story about how he was at a Memorabilia show years ago and Barry Bonds was a few booths over and I guess Bonds sent over one of his people to tell Minnie that if he wanted to come meet Bonds he may have an opening in an hour. Minnie said Bonds ought to asking to meet Minnie not the other way around. Ever since then "Minnie no like Bonds". I know that a story of Bonds being a dick comes as a bit of a shock to some of you, but Minnie wouldn't lie.

- On the topic of Breaking Aaron's record Minnie once again explained that Aaron's record shouldn't count because he played in more games than The Babe. He didn't seem to care about Bonds being on steroids, only that he played in too many games for the record to count. Either way, we agreed Bonds is a worthless piece of shit (I may be paraphrasing there).

So there you go. The first athlete interview for FTG done by your correspondent in Chicago. One other note that really capped off the wacky Wednesday festivities was that at the end of the night my friend Tom went and got the car and pulled it around in front of Sluggers so Chris didn't have to go as far on his crutches. A nice gesture indeed...until he hit the "autolock" instead of "unlock" and locked the keys in the running car parked in the middle of Clark Street. We eventually found a hanger and opened the car but there is nothing more demeaning than having to explain to everyone honking that the reason you can't move the car is that the keys are locked inside.

"At Least We Have Something to Bitch About Besides Politics": Washington Nationals 2007 Season Preview

2007-03-29T14:15:00.000-04:00

Man, I'm starting to think these season previews were a bad idea. What the hell do I know about the Nationals? Not much. I know they have at least three former Reds (Austin Kearns, Felipe Lopez and the newly acquired Dmitri Young) and the Reds' former GM (Jim Bowden). Also I know that Jim Bowden is a douchebag and likes to wear leather pants and occasionally gets arrested after drunken domestic disputes. Also, I hate him. The Nats (can I call them the Gnats?) picked up Dmitri just a few weeks ago after suddenly realizing that it was the spring and they had no first baseman after Nick Johnson (whose picture says "I will rape your dog") broke his femur. Shouldn't it be somebody's job to give a heads up on that one? Honestly, I always liked Young when he was in Cincinnati. He's a born hitter, and while the past few years have been rocky, I think the folks in the District of Columbia are pretty accustomed to forgiving a little past indiscretion.

Of course, Kearns and Lopez went over to D.C. in a trade that I'd try not to think about. But, in the Reds' blogosphere it's often still often referred to as "the trade" which basically came down swapping two serviceable major leaguers for an pitcher with a bad elbow, a prospect and Royce Clayton (don't get me started on him). The crazy thing was, it almost made sense at the time. Of course, in the long run it turned out to be a complete train-wreck. So, Nationals fans enjoy our guys. You got us this time. Oh, and any more mugshots of Jim Bowden would be greatly appreciated. Plenty of room left on the dartboard.

Got questions about the Gnats rotation? Take a look at the second paragraph of this article in the Washington Post. Apparently Washington is going to banking on Jason Simontacchi to play a large part in their rotation. What?!! He's 33 years old and hasn't pitched in a major league game since a few innings in 2004. And he's hurt. Wow. When do they sign Dave Burba? The "ace" of the rotation is John Patterson who, of course, is coming off an injury last year. But I guess we can hope for a repeat of 2005. That year he started 31 games, had a 3.13 ERA and managed only nine wins. If you're not paying attention, that means the team behind him was crap.

There's just nothing exciting about this team. They have some guy named "Nook" playing center field and a whole bunch of other mediocre talent. I guess the prospect of screaming "Got a frozen rope? Just Nook it!" is fun to me, but I enjoy really terrible jokes, it's part of my charm. Other than that, I'm at a loss. This team sucks. I hope the whole "we have a baseball team, we don't care how shitty they are" thing hasn't worn of in Washington yet, because the Nationals will finish last in the east. Or, I'll eat my hat. Or, some other antiquated saying.

"Here's Hoping We Finish Ahead of the D-Rays": Baltimore Orioles 2007 Season Preview

2007-03-29T00:04:00.000-04:00

Here's also hoping we don't see much of these horrible, horrible orange uniforms this season from the O's. Maybe the idea was to draw attention away from the O's mediocre pitching, mediocre lineup, and their destiny to finish, at best, fourth in the AL East. Unfortunately, it probably won't work. As depressing as it must be to be a D-Rays fan, I'd take them over the O's any day.

Here's what O's fans have to look forward to: a continually disgruntled Miguel Tejada; a Corey Patterson who's infinitely more valuable in fantasy lineups than in real-life lineups; 400+ at-bats for both Jay Payton and Kevin Millar, guys who will contribute next to nothing; guys in Aubrey Huff and Melvin Mora who will most probably futilely struggle to regain their career year forms (2003 and 2004, respectively); a bullpen that can't possibly live up to their ridiculous contracts (they've committed $41.5 million over the next 3 years to Danys Baez, Jamie Walker, and Chad Bradford); a rotation consisting of erstwhile Yanks albatross Jaret Wright, oldster Steve Trachsel, youngster wildcards Adam Loewen and Daniel Cabrera, and a staff "ace" of Erik Bedard; and last, but certainly not least, 50+ games against the Yankees, Red Sox, and Blue Jays. Yikes.

The bright spots in Baltimore are considerably less numerous: Chris Ray has emerged as a potentially great closer (we all know how fleeting that kind of success can be, though); 23-year-old Nick Markakis came out of nowhere to have a pretty promising rookie effort last year; Brian Roberts may be more fully recovered from elbow surgery this year; Ramon Hernandez just may continue to be a really productive catcher; and Jay Gibbons reminds me of past fantasy baseball victories. Sadly, none of these things will fix a franchise that Peter Angelos has driven into the ground.

The bottom line is that the O's are moving in the wrong direction in the toughest division in baseball (I know Hawk Harrelson and many others will fight me on this, but I still would much rather play in the AL Central than the AL East), particularly when you consider that the Yanks, Red Sox, Blue Jays, and D-Rays are all getting better. The O's will be lucky to finish fourth this year. And that's just plain embarrassing. Where, oh where have you gone, Cal Ripken?

"In King Felix We Trust": Seattle Mariners 2007 Season Preview

2007-03-28T12:05:00.000-04:00

First it was Randy Johnson jumping ship in 1998. Then Griffey in 2000. Then A-Rod in 2001. And now, six years later, the Mariners have to deal with the deathblow of losing Gil Meche. It must be rough to be a Mariners fan. They're probably all crying into their Starbucks' lattes right now, asking over and over again, "Why, oh why couldn't we have just offered Gil Meche $60 million over 5 years and kept him around? How foolish and cavalier of you, Bill Bavasi."

In all seriousness though, the Mariners should mostly be worried about squandering Ichiro's prime years, and pissing him off with their lackluster play in the process. It probably wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if the 33-year-old Ichiro did jump ship after this season. Even though he'll probably keep hitting into old age like Tony Gwynn, he is on the wrong side of 30 and will probably want a ton of money over a lot of years (this should perk up the ears of pretty much only Red Sox and Yankees fans). But I don't really know where that leaves the Mariners. They seem like a team without a plan. Or maybe just a team without a very good plan.

What makes me say such negative things about the Mariners, you ask? Well, partly because I have negative things to say about a lot of teams, my own White Sox included. But also because the Mariners threw a ton of money at Adrian Beltre coming off a career year a couple years ago and have followed that up this off-season by signing veteran projects like Jose Guillen and Jose Vidro.

Vidro, as you might recall, is the guy who forced Soriano into Washington's outfield last year. And now he's slated to DH for the Mariners. Maybe it's just me, but a second baseman whose career offensive year was way back in 2000 when he hit all of 24 homers and drove in 97 (he hit 7 homers each in injury-shortened 2005 and 2006 seasons) doesn't strike me as the greatest use of the DH in the world. Guillen, when he's not injured or making trouble, is a 25 homer 90 RBI guy, which isn't bad, but it's a big gamble.

As suspect as those gambles are, I still think the lineup is pretty decent in a mediocre AL West. I could be making this up, but I don't think either the Angels or the A's--the two horses in the West the past few years--did much to get better in the offseason (I could make fun of Anaheim's--yes, Anaheim, not LA--signing of Gary Matthews, but I'll hold that in abeyance for a bit). Ichiro's gonna get on base all the time, Richie Sexson will hit his 35 homers and strike out 150 times, Raul Ibanez will quietly continue to overachieve (in a career year last year, he hit 33 homers and drove in 123--who knew???), and Kenji Johjima can build on an impressive rookie season. It's a lineup that'll be passable whether or not Vidro and Guillen perform, and a little above average if they do.

Where the Mariners' season will live or die is, I think, in the rotation. How serviceable will Jarrod Washburn be? Will King Felix live up to the hype after a disappointing rookie campaign? (If his fantasy draft ranking is any indication, Yahoo! and ESPN sure think he will). Will Jeff Weaver be the sucky glove-eating Jeff Weaver we all know and love, or will he continue his playoff impersonation of a decent pitcher? What the hell can anyone expect from Miguel Batista and Horacio Ramirez?

Chances aren't that great, but I think if the Mariners want to sniff the playoffs, this year is the year--2008 and '09 don't look all that promising. So with that, I'm picking the M's to win the AL West and promptly lose in the Divisional playoffs. Go ahead an laugh. They're a dark horse to be sure, but anything can happen out West.

"Let's Go Out There And Make Ben Franklin Proud": 2007 Philadelphia Phillies Season Preview

2007-03-27T22:15:00.000-04:00

Yo! Welcome to Philly where we love our teams until they inevitably lose every year. Then we pelt them with profanity.... Okay, I don't know this to actually be the truth. I've never been to Philly, I don't even know anybody from Philly, but I'm doing this preview anyway. Another guy not from Philly who doesn't appear to understand the plight of their fans is Jimmy Rollins. He must have not watched any Philly sports for the past twenty years or so because he claimed during the offseason that the Phillies are the "team to beat". Bold statement. It takes a man who has not been pelted with batteries to say something like that. Somehow a man with absolutely zero post-season at-bats in his career thinks it would be a good idea to run his mouth. The confidence is nice, but he needs back it up. Let's just say they better win the World Series before Rollins makes any Campbells Soup commercials with his mom.

Elsewhere, the questions (stop me if you've heard this) are basically the holes in the lineup and the starting pitching. More specifically, the problem with the Phillies lineup is the Phillies outfield. After they got rid of Abreu they're looking at Aaron Rowand, Pat Burrell and Shane Victorino. Nobody expects Rowand to hit and Victorino had a pitiful .760 OPS last year in his first real season in the bigs. Pat Burrell has the honorable distinction of being one of my "sleeper" late round picks in our fantasy draft last week. Of course ever since then all I've read is how he's complete shit. The Harball Times preview today asserted without question that he only only has "40 good swings a season". Ummm, is that possible? I feel like I need a Bull Durham speech right now. Ugh.

And, don't let me forget to mention Freddy Garcia. That's right, the big fella came over from the Chi Sox after what really was a reasonably good season. 17 wins? How do they let that go? Hopefully it wasn't for the money. For the record, Garcia will make $10 million this year while Eric Milton is making $9 million. Big sigh. Beyond that, I kind of like the Cole Hamels/Brett Myers combo and Jamie Moyer might need a walker to get out to the mound, but he will probably still give you innings (over six per start last year). Plus, I hope he gets on base occasionally. I love the idea of watching a 44 year old pitcher who spent 10 years in the AL run the bases.

Well, there you have it. Another flawed team in the National League. But, they have some young talent and some vets holding it together. Will they hit? Yeah some. Will they get pitching? Yeah, enough. So, I'm taking them to win the division. I just think they've got the tools to sustain winning throughout the season. Maybe Jimmy Rollins won't have to eat his words after all.

Gophers are Substantially Less Ferocious than Wildcats

2007-03-22T22:52:00.000-04:00

Ohhhhhh Tubby. Tubby, Tubby, Tubby.....

I feel obligated to write a post here because I've been a UK fan my entire life. But, I have decidedly conflicted feelings about the end of the Tubby Smith era. It's certainly been a tumultuous last few years. From complaints about recruiting to a super highly rated incoming class in 2004 back to complaints and stories of player infighting and toxic personalities it's been tough to follow this team, particularly the past two years when the results have been less than stellar.

Lexington has had a buzz about it for a while. I really believe that the mood of the common man the media are distinctly different. This, of course, is based solely on my personal opinion. But I didn't talk to a single person at work today when the news came down the pike whose first reaction was "wow, that's a shame." The biggest reaction was relief.

The homers in the media always loved Tubby, and their arguments certainly hold water, particularly in terms of stats, to back it up. But, nine years with no Final Four appearances is what incited such animosity with irrational fans. It should be noted, however, that nobody disliked Tubby the man. He's a great guy; gracious and polite and never once had a disparaging thing to say about the state or the fans. Never once was he responsible for a black mark on the institution.

So why am I glad to see him go? Well, looking back, the Smith era at UK strikes me as similar to an organ transplant that just didn't take. It started off so well, but eventually was doomed to fail. Kentucky needs a big time coach with a big time personality. Tubby never had a strong enough personality or that proverbial "chip on his shoulder". And, you know what? It's hard to find guys like that. I certainly wish Tubby well and I'm sure he'll be successful with Minnesota.

Now, the real fun starts. It's like Christmas Eve around here. We get a new coach under the tree. Imagine you've asked for a G.I. Joe action figure. Who knows if you're going to get Snake Eyes or Duke? Either is completely awesome. Let's just hope your parents don't try to get you the knock-off series and try to tell you it's "just as good" or "use your imagination". It should be really fun to see what happens in the next few weeks. In the meantime, if there's one thing Wildcats fans are good at, it's rampant speculation. So far I've heard names including: Billy Donovan (Florida), Billy Gillispie (Texas A&M), Mark Few (Gonzaga), Tom Crean(Marquette) and even Pitino. Probably all great choices. Cats fans, you got what you wanted. Stay tuned.

Come on Snake Eyes.

"Who is this Masked Man?": 2007 New York Mets Season Preview

2007-03-21T08:45:00.000-04:00

First, since this post--like every post--is all about me, let me go ahead and rehash a comment I made in a previous preview. I basically said that the Mets might be the only team in the National League without any gaping holes in their lineup. Well, for the most part it's true. Their four best hitters (in no particular order) are: Jose Reyes, Carlos Beltran, David Wright and Carlos Delgado (.289 BA, 124 HR total). That's nasty, no argument. But, the real question is about the other four guys: Paul LoDuca, Jose Valentin, Shawn Green and Moises Alou. Average age: 36 (aka well past their primes). I guess they're all serviceable but I'm not sure I'm real excited about a lineup with LoDuca hitting 2nd in the order for a full season again. Plus, wasn't Moises Alou supposed to have retired like three years ago?

That argument aside, the guy who's really giving me a brainfuck here is Jose Valentin. Living with Trout on the outskirts of the Chicagoland viewing area I watched my fair share of White Sox games in 2003 & 2004. He batted .237 with 114 K's one year and .216 with 139 K's the following year. Holy shit that's an awful year. I mean, just painful to watch. Seeing Valentin come up to bat in a crucial situation always induced a faint vomit taste in the back of my mouth, and it's not even my team. He had more holes in his swing than I have in my abused liver. It was an absolute train wreck.

So, what happens last year? After an injury-shortened season in LA, Jose comes out last year and hits .271 with a mere 71 strikeouts. 45 points increase in the batting average and a ridiculous drop in strikeouts. And, this is from the age of 34 to 36. Have you ever seen a player improve his play so dramatically at this age? I certainly can't think of anybody. This is unnatural and I'm calling "bullshit." Let's get that Mitchell investigation running 24-hour surveillance on his ass because there's some foul play involved here. I think we can all get on board with this one.

As for this team, two words: shitty pitching. Their starters are shit. Glavine is 41 on Sunday, El Duque claims to be 37 so he's probably at least 40. John Maine was real solid last year, but I'm not quite sure how. And, well, do you want Chan Ho Park in your rotation? I won't even mention you-know-who because there's slim to none chance that a 35 year old comes back from shoulder surgery in under a year. So, my prediction: second place in the division. And I predict that if you bet the over in every Mets' game for the first month of the season you'll make money.

"Wait Till 2010...If We're Around That Long": Tampa Bay Devil Rays 2007 Season Preview

2007-03-20T09:35:00.000-04:00

I can't really explain it, but I really sort of like the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Generally I gleefully denounce many things associated with Florida--humidity, the 2000 election, Jeb Bush, Disney World, old people, Spring Break stupidity--but for some reason the Devil Rays, despite their consistent suckiness and their god-awful stadium, attract me.

Perhaps it's their delightfully horrible 3-16 Grapefruit League record that's endearing (It makes me feel not so bad about the White Sox going 8-13!). Perhaps it's Scott Kazmir's boyish visage and my glee at the Mets getting fleeced in trading him away for Victor Zambrano(Victor Zambrano!). Manager Joe Maddon's custom indie-rockish/Rivers Cuomo-esque glasses and his oddly uncomfortable porn-star-like way to watch batting practice (see below) don't hurt either; here's hoping the glasses take the AL East by storm and we see Joe Torre sporting a pair by the All-Star break.

For some reason, the D-Rays are so teflon-coated in my brain that the Delmon Young bat-throwing incident doesn't even bother me that much. Weird. Nick Swisher incites my ire for doing essentially nothing besides sporting odd facial hair and bedding a Playboy model, and Delmon Young gets a free pass for almost braining an umpire. There's definitely something wrong with me.

But hopefully not as much as is wrong with this still fatally flawed D-Rays club. They've got a bunch of nobodies pitching after Kazmir, who's got his own concerns, coming off season-ending shoulder surgery. Their bullpen is sure to suck, and their closer is...ummm... Seth McClung? Yikes. Isn't it time for the D-Rays to finally pull the trigger on a trade of some of this young hitting talent for some bodies that can capably throw the ball every five days? Survey says: yes.

The offense has plenty of storylines to get excited about, though, with Rocco Baldelli and Jorge Cantu poised to make comebacks of sorts, Carl Crawford continuing to mature, BJ Upton looking to corral his talent and find a home defensively, Jonny Gomes trying to put together a full season (note to fantasy owners out there: beware Jonny Gomes--do not be fooled into thinking he'll keep a 35 HR pace--I learned this the hard way last year), and Delmon Young looking to build on a solid end-of-the-season call-up. The best storyline might be two guys who came out of nowhere last year to have surprisingly decent seasons: White Sox alum Greg Norton and Mets/Pirates cast-off Ty Wigginton. I know, I'm getting excited about Greg Norton and Ty Wigginton. You don't have to tell me I'm irrational.

Well T-Bay, as much as I love you, you might be lucky to climb out of the cellar this year. Don Zimmer will have that dyspeptic look on his face for the majority of the season. Fortunately for you, though, Baltimore isn't showing much of a desire to win. I foresee your one new fan blogging about 70+ wins and a fourth place finish in the East this year. Baby steps, T-Bay, baby steps.

Fun With Open Mics, Verne Lundquist and Bill Raftery Style

2007-03-18T16:28:00.000-04:00

Good on March Madness on Demand for re-running the live pre-game open mic audio for the Purdue-Florida game. Lundquist and Raftery talk to each other and to guys in the truck and obviously aren't aware they can be heard as they prep for the game. It's largely uninteresting, but there are a few highlights:

Verne Lundquist saying right before the National Anthem "We have what you might call a sparse crowd here today. It's really awful." Lundquist follows this later with "Aww, man, this crowd is sad. You just can't talk about it too much." Maybe the NCAA went back to New Orleans a little too soon...

Raftery rather seductively tells Lundquist "Your voice sounds great," to which Lundquist, apparently battling a cold, starts doing vocal prepping "mimimimi"s. Lundquist: a true operatic voice.

Raftery gets into the Purdue band's rendition of "Soul Man," singing "badum da da da da"

Lundquist is apparently a bit unhappy with the PA announcer down in New Orleans, calling him "about 0-for-the-season" after mispronouncing Keaton Grant's hometown of Kissimmee, Florida as "Ki-seem-ee." The mispronunciation prompted a rather lengthy exchange between Lundquist and Raftery of "Is it Ki-seem-ee?" "It's Kiss-i-me" "Ki-seem-ee?" "No, Kiss-i-me" "Kiss-i-me." Lundquist sounded genuinely peeved at the PA guy.

Sadly, I still couldn't figure out who Raftery was referring to when he effusively said "He's got a nice, live body, doesn't he?" and prompted Lundquist to respond, "Ohhh boy, does he." (my guess is Corey Brewer, though, as he was just introduced prior to the exchange). Mmmm, nice live bodies...

Purdue vs. Florida Deathmatch Live Blog: Second Half

2007-03-18T15:11:00.000-04:00

As CBS takes me to a live look in, it appears as though Wisconsin is trying to prove everyone who thought the Big Ten was overrated right. Shouldn't they have learned something from Friday's game? Maybe they just really aren't that good...

As the second half opens, Purdue is dodging some bullets as Florida just can't seem to knock down open shots. We're gonna need that to continue if we want to hang onto this lead, I think.

Teague puts it high, high, high off the glass to put Purdue up by 4, prompting Raftery's signature "The Kiss!" (he follows it up by commentating on a replay: "And a smooch to boot!"). It just wouldn't be the tournament without Billy Raftery, I don't think...

Ohhhh... Carl Landry just had a mammoth block on Noah. Too bad it came after Joakim was fouled. Either way, the message is the same: get that shit outta here, Joakim!

Man, Florida has really clamped down on D. Purdue's just not getting many good looks at all. Carl Landry just looked like he was throwing up a prayer in his driveway there. Not good. And before you know it, Florida leads for the first time since a couple minutes into the game. Sigh... Florida is starting to look a lot more like Florida and Purdue is starting to look like... well... Purdue.

If Purdue loses this game by less than 5, they'll have no one but themselves to blame. They're now 4-10 from the line. Where's Matt Waddell when you need him?

Ouch. 5 point deficit after 2 poorly defended 3s from Florida. This one's slipping away and Matt Painter knows it; he calls a timeout.

That's at least the second shot of Joakim Noah's pops in the crowd, and I gotta say, Yannick Noah is a badass. He looks like he came straight from a Funkadelic concert. Joakim, on the other hand, looks like he came straight from an Indigo Girls concert.

Oh man, David Teague had a great series there. Had a 3 rattle out, chased down the offensive board, and then drove the lane with authority for a two. No one else touched the ball the whole time. Everyone else, including Florida, just watched.

Billy Raftery has got a ferret in his pants about a foul called on Noah as he hacked Landry. Yeah, it was probably just good D, but Purdue needed that bad. Oh wait, on the replay, Landry obviously got hacked. Raftery, supposedly looking at the same video I am, says disgustedly, "Aww, that was all ball. All ball." I call bullshit, Billy, you Noah-lover.

Carl Landry is all that is man. And the game is tied.

That's the 15th Florida turnover. And it's not so much Purdue's D as Florida's shitty passing. How many turnovers do they average on the year? This has to be an anomaly.

Now Chris Kramer is all that is man. Wow. Way to drive the lane. He's like the white Porter Roberts. Or something.

As soon as Gage and I comment on Purdue's recent lack of turnovers and fouling, they turn it over and foul. Great. And now Florida's back up by 5 in the blink of an eye. Fix it, Matt Painter, fix it.

Joakim Noah almost broke his ass after taking a hard foul--Kramer just scooted his butt into Noah as he was coming down from a board. Kinda funny.

Chris Lutz is taking lessons from Chris Kramer, driving the lane against Joakim Noah and sinking a layup.

Carl Landry just confused a Florida defender for the basket, turning it over instead of taking a shot. Now Florida can go up 6 with under 3 minutes to go. Purdue's really gotta lock down on D and get some decent shots on their offensive end or Florida's going to run away with this one at the end.

Well--one minute Purdue is down by 3, the next they're down by 7 with Florida on the line. That's pretty much the ballgame--it'll be the free throw game from her on out.

It ended up being the outcome that everyone expected, but I gotta say Purdue looked A LOT better than I thought they might. A great game for the young kids to build on for next year, and certainly not a shabby way for Landry and Teague to finish their careers. Maybe I'll be inspired to try and catch more than a handful of Purdue games next year.

Here's hoping Butler has a little more magic than Purdue and the Bulldogs are able to knock of the big dog later this week.

Purdue vs. Florida Deathmatch Live Blog: First Half

2007-03-18T14:13:00.000-04:00

Wow. I don't know who they were talking about, but just as I tuned in to the MMOD videocast of the game, the announcer (it must have been Raftery) was saying, "Ooh, he has a live body," to which his partner (Lundquist) responded "Ohh does he" during the lineup introductions. Let the homoeroticism begin. Somewhat appropriate considering my live body just hopped out of the shower from a 6 mile run in 20 degree windchill. Thank goodness for stray audio picked up when Verne Lundquist and Billy Raftery think they're off the air.

And just like that, Purdue is down 4-0. Good thing Joakim Noah is afraid of the hole, or else it'd be 6-0.

Kramer is my daddy. He's on pace for roughly 70 points this afternoon. He has yet to score any from his knees, though.

Wow. Tarrance Crump just drove the lane and put up a good 6-foot pull-up jumper and it didn't get swatted away. This can't keep up, can it?

Apparently he can--Crump just did the same thing from four feet for another score. I haven't seen much Purdue basketball at all this season, but I find it hard to believe Tarrance Crump has been this good.

"Pick up the lingerie, Big Al!" Ummm... what? Is this a new way to say that Crump faked that Florida chump out of his shorts? If you say so, Mr. Raftery.

In any case, forget Kramer; Crump is taking over this game. Gotta feel good about a 5 point lead with no scoring from Teague or Landry.

And now Teague shows up, scoring 5 straight. He'd probably have 10 by now if he'd just let his afro out.

Quickly followed by Landry getting into the action. Keep at 'em, ye of the 50-year-old's hairline. That was a nice move, he just choked on converting the three-point play.

With a little over 8 minutes left in the first, we get the first reference to Purdue's "scrappy play" from Raftery. I look for approximately 10 more of these references throughout the game.

Noah just picked up his second. Sit his ass on the bench, Billy Donovan. The ponytailed wonder has been almost completely absent so far. Let's keep it that way. And let's start making some free throws. Christ.

My sympathies to Justin stuck in the Undergrad Library, blacked out from watching the game. You just missed some solid play under the basket by Gordon "Sock Arm" Watt.

Kramer just pulled a trout--making a nice cut into the lane, pulling up, shooting an airball. Awesome.

Everything--and I mean everything--is coming up short for Purdue. I don't know if Florida has worn them out or what, but they are putting up some weak-ass shit--airballs and little dinks off the front iron. And they're playing sloppy too, turning it over more. Gah. Florida ties it for the first time in a long, long time.

Landry comes up short on his free throw. Seriously. Everything is short. Put some leg into it, guys.

Not the way you want to end the first half, with an awful, awful well-defended three pointer from way out (surprise, it was short). I'll take a two-point lead at half any day, though. Matt Painter, here's hoping you come up with a gameplan to match up with Florida's adjustments--and maybe some energy drinks for the troops' tired legs. Because right now Florida is definitely the better-looking team out there. And I don't mean Joakim Noah's ugly mug. Whew. See you in 20.

Not That Anyone Cares...

2007-03-17T23:45:00.000-04:00

... but I think I'll take it upon myself to liveblog the epic Purdue-Florida matchup tomorrow. So to all three of you that check out FTG regularly, join me at 2:15 tomorrow for tip-off. I'll be updating the page throughout the game, keeping tabs on Carl Landry's hairline, Joakim Noah's ponytail, and David Teague's potential afro. And wondering to myself all the while what kind of crack rock Andy Katz smoked before he wrote "If Landry and Teague didn't get hurt [...] they'd have left for NBA riches." NBA riches? Really? Hyperbole notwithstanding, it should be a good one.

"Wait, Is This One of the Years Where We Try to Win, Or Not?": 2007 Florida Marlins Season Preview

2007-03-16T11:03:00.000-04:00

It must be exhausting to be a Marlins fan. They managed to win the 1997 championship, after five years of existence and immediately sold off the whole damn team. There were a few lean years as the organization and then they got back and won it all again in 2003, only to sell everybody off again. It's not hard to see why they have a hard time maintaining fans, but you have to respect a team that manages to get away with never signing big name free agent and still wining the occasional World Series. You know, as I was debating what to write in this post, I got to thinking about what that roster actually looked like in '97 and how they won. We all remember Gary Sheffield, but who else was there? Let's take a look...

C - Charles Johnson
1B - Jeff Conine
2B - Luis Castillo
SS - Edgar Renteria
3B - Bobby Bonilla
LF - Gary Sheffield
RF - Moises Alou
CF - Cliff Floyd/Devon White

Rotation: Kevin Brown, Al Leiter, Livan Hernandez, Alex Fernandez
Closer: Robb Nen

Wow, they certainly managed to get some guys at their peaks. Particularly Kevin Brown whose suddenly developed Scoliosis once he got out of Florida. Plus, Alex Fernandez won 17 games in 1997! Who, you ask? Well, Trout might remember because apparently he won 18 games for the southsiders in 1993. Anyway, he never came close to those numbers again and was soon sipping margaritas in Retirementville. Shit, they even had Nenn closing things out. And lest I not take advantage of mentioning the six-fingered wonder Antonio Alfonseca. Apparently, according to his Wikipedia page (the ultimate source on everything), his nickname back in the Dominican Republic is "El Pulpo" (the Octopus). So, yeah. This was a really solid team (obviously) of some up-and-comers and some players just hitting their peak.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it seems like the Marlins have decided to use the basic rules of economics to succeed on a budget. Basically, "buy low, sell high" is all you need to know. They buy appreciating assets at then move them when the market is ripe. Contrast that with the Yankees who have gotten burned with the likes of Carl Pavano and the aforementioned Kevin Brown, guys whose stock can only go down.

Of course, the 2007 incarnation of the Marlins is no different. They have two established veterans, Dontrelle Willis and Miguel Cabrera (a legitimate superstar) and a bunch of young bucks. By the way, before I move on, did you know that Cabrera is only 23? Well, at least he claims to be only 23. The rest of the guys all have a full year under their belts and should be choping at the bit to get this one under way. Plus, I really can't help but love Hanley Ramirez' headshot. He just seems like he's thinking "Nobody will know, but I'm not wearing any pants right now." Past Willis they have this Sanchez kid who threw the no-hitter last year. Yeah, I think this will be a fun team to watch. Maybe even more fun because they appear to have nobody to close out games. Zoinks!

Now, the Marlins will be fun to watch, but where will they finish? Honestly, I think their one huge mistake was getting rid of Joe Girardi. He really pulled the team together and the young guys respected him. Will Fredi Gonzalez get the same out of the players? Who knows. Prediction: the Marlins won't win this division, but I think they'll be in the race for the Wild Card until the very end.